


Stargazer

by LittleRose13



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Based on Love Simon, Digital Art, F/F, F/M, Gryffindor Albus Severus Potter, Love Simon References, Love Simon Spoilers, M/M, Not CC compliant, Not Harry Potter and the Cursed Child Compliant, Prompts? What prompts?, Scorbus Love Simon, Tumblr: scorbusfest, alternative universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-28
Updated: 2018-08-28
Packaged: 2019-07-03 15:33:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 37,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15821796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleRose13/pseuds/LittleRose13
Summary: “Sometimes, I like to stand at the top of the Astronomy Tower in the middle of the night, and just look out at the stars. The universe is huge, and for a single second, I feel comforted by the fact that I am so small and insignificant in this big, wide world. I feel almost as if my worries don’t matter, because stars don’t have worries, they exist and shamelessly so. So this is my first step, into my own shameless existence too.I’m gay, Hogwarts. Maybe one day I’ll be brave enough to say that out loud.Stargazer”Albus Potter has a secret, one which not even his best friends know about, and one he certainly isn’t planning to reveal to anyone before graduation. Apart from Stargazer, because he can tell Stargazer anything.(Based onLove, Simon)Contains accompanying artwork by @marisdrawings





	1. Stargazer

**Author's Note:**

> This is my contribution to scorbusfest. I did plan to use a prompt, really I did, but then this idea took hold and sort of took over and here we are... beautiful art by Mari, @marisdrawings on tumblr
> 
> This fic is based on the film _Love, Simon_ (2018) and, if you haven't seen it yet, this fic will spoil the ending so please read with caution. I have borrowed a handful of memorable pieces of dialogue from the film, anything you recognise belongs to the script. (full credits in the end notes)

_Hogossip! Fresh from the cauldron!_

_This week, we received an anonymous tip off about the REAL reason the Quidditch shed has been placed under a timed-entry charm. We’re not going into any of the gory details, so if you want to know exactly what went down, we suggest you ask Jacob Finch-Fletchley and Kelly Gates what took them so long to find their brooms ;);)_

_The Quidditch shed is practically a no-go zone now. The new charm means students can enter for no longer than two minutes. Although from what we’ve heard, that won’t be a problem for Mr Finch-Fletchley!_

_If you have a story to share, send an owl (or pass a note) to Melissa Lockhart @ Hogossip_

“Didn’t I tell you they were going at it?” Polly lowered the copy of _Hogossip_ dramatically and looked around at everyone with raised eyebrows.

“Um, did you?” Albus questioned her uncertainly, trying to remember any time Polly had talked about the subject.

“Yes! You remember, Thea?”

Thea frowned. “Which one’s Kelly Gates again?”

“Hufflepuff, blonde, always looks like she’s been hit with a cheering charm,” Rose put in helpfully.

“She doesn’t look too cheerful today,” Albus commented, pointing Kelly Gates out. She was surrounded by friends who all appeared to be consoling her, but as Albus watched, her tearful expression switched to a murderous one.

“Oh, here we go,” Polly muttered, sounding almost excited as Kelly spotted Jacob Finch-Fletchley entering the Great Hall and started to stalk over to him.

As Kelly started to loudly accuse Jacob of sending in the tip off himself, Albus tuned out of the situation and gazed around. He often felt like this, sort of just on the outside of everything that was going on, not excluded, but separated from the rest of the world. He was _different_ and nobody would ever understand. Not even his closest friends.

Rose was laughing lightly and buttering a slice of toast. She was Albus’ cousin, their parents had been best friends at school, and it had always been assumed that Albus and Rose would continue that trend where they were so close in age. Rose was dependable, ruthless and Albus found her completely hilarious.

After they were both sorted into Gryffindor in their first year, they’d met Polly Chapman, who’d quickly become one of Albus’ best friends. She had dreams to become a journalist, and she was always one of the first people with a copy of _Hogossip_ , which - like today - she often read to them over breakfast like it was the _Daily Prophet._

Thea Jordan moved from Ilvermorny to Hogwarts for her seventh year and had slotted into the group quite nicely. Albus liked her a lot, because she never looked at him as anything other than who he really was.

They were Albus’ best friends amongst a sea of acquaintances. Having a famous father and an older brother who played professional Quidditch meant Albus was far from unpopular, but he much preferred the company of those who just saw Al, and not Harry’s son or James’ brother. Not that anyone could ever see the _real_ Al, not when he was hiding such a big part of himself from the world.

“Do you think it really was Jacob who sent in the anonymous tip-off?” Rose wondered.

“He’s always been a bit of an attention-seeker,” Polly commented. “I wouldn’t be surprised if he had, he probably thought it would put a stop to the other rumours.”

Because Albus had a secret, a secret not even his best friends or his family knew. Not even his older brother, James.

“What other rumours?” Thea asked, sounding quite uninterested.

And it wasn’t that he necessarily _wanted_ to keep it a secret.

Polly grinned. “Well, anyone with half a brain can see he’s clearly gay.”

Albus squeaked involuntarily but luckily it was drowned out by Rose’s loud scoff.

“No way. He isn’t gay.” She shook her head emphatically. “You’ve been reading too much _Hogossip.”_

Albus felt his cheeks grow warm and he sipped his coffee as nonchalantly as he could.

“Of course I have, but come on! Don’t you get a bit of a… vibe?” She looked at Thea.

“A vibe? It’s not some kind of secret club, Polly,” Thea sounded disbelieving. “Just because his hair is always perfectly blow-dried into place…”

The three girls dissolved into giggles. Albus clattered his coffee mug down loudly and stood up far more abruptly than he’d meant to, attracting everybody’s attention.

“I’ll meet you in Potions, I left my homework in the common room.”

He left the Great Hall as fast as he could without full-on running and, without even thinking, headed across the Entrance Hall and straight outside. A gaggle of fourth-years going to a first period Care of Magical Creatures lesson barely spared Albus a second glance; he was just another stress-addled seventh year acting weirdly.

Albus approached the lake and sat in front of it, curling himself up into a small ball as if that might make him temporarily invisible. He stared at the surface of the lake as his friends’ words reverberated around his brain.

_He’s clearly gay._

_Don’t get you a bit of a… vibe?_

Albus swallowed hard and tried to sort through the jumble of emotions he was feeling. He’d known for sure he was gay for three years now, and at no point in that time had he felt compelled to tell anyone. Instead, he was happy for his friends to continue thinking he was just very picky with girls or not interested in relationships.

His sexuality wasn’t his only secret, but it was the one thing he’d never told another soul, not even Polly or Rose.

Polly and Rose both thought they knew all of Albus’ secrets. Like the fact that he’d been writing songs for over two years now and held a secret dream to record them and make a name for himself one day. Everyone else thought Albus would end up going into potioneering, as it was his best subject and in his family history. Albus knew he probably _should_ make a sensible decision and apply for his potioneer’s licence and get a job at a brewery like everyone expected; he was good enough to.

But music was where his passion lay, just like his brother James’ passion was Quidditch. And James had followed his dream and made it as the youngest starting Chaser Puddlemere United had ever recruited. So why couldn’t Albus make it too?

_Don’t you get a bit of a… vibe?_

Did _he_ give off some sort of gay vibe? Was that even a thing? Were there clusters of friends sitting at breakfast and discussing the vibes _Albus_ gave off, just like his friends had talked about Jacob?

_His hair’s always perfect blow-dried._

Albus chuckled to himself and ran a hand through his disaster of a hairstyle. It was dark, almost black, and never did anything Albus wanted it to, instead choosing to stick up all over the place despite his best efforts to tame it. He’d tried cutting it very short, he’d tried growing it out longer, he’d tried various potions, and then around fifth year he’d given up and had just started embracing the messiness.

Confident his hair wasn’t giving anyone any _vibes,_ Albus took a deep breath and felt a lot calmer. Calm enough to go back inside and make it just in time for the start of Potions class.

* * *

 

That night in the common room, Albus and his friends had managed to secure one of the big, round tables with the comfy chairs. Its surface was covered in mainly homework, but Rose was engrossed in her plans for that year’s Quidditch team; it was her second year as captain.

“Albus, I hope you’ve been practicing. I’m only taking you as Keeper again if you’re the best one, no special treatment.”

Albus rolled his eyes at his blunt cousin. “I know, I played with James a bit over summer.”

In truth, Albus wouldn’t mind too much if he was made a reserve for the Gryffindor Quidditch team this year. He enjoyed playing, and most of his friends played Quidditch, but he wasn’t emotionally invested in the sport like some of his classmates were.

“Oh, is that your plans for our team?” a smarmy voice called over Albus’ shoulder, peering uncomfortably close to Rose’s diagrams. She pulled them towards her and covered them with both arms.

“These are _my_ plans, yes.” Rose didn’t look at the speaker.

Karl Jenkins invited himself into the only empty space at the table; Polly rolled her eyes.

“Of course, the competition will be completely different this year, especially Slytherin.” Karl spoke like they were all dying to hear his opinions. “That Cole Flint is rather tiresome if you ask me.”

“Nobody did,” Polly hissed under her breath.

Albus said nothing but gave Karl a disgusted look. Cole Flint was one of his friends, he was in Slytherin and he was one of the nicest people Albus knew.

“So, Thea,” Karl scooted close to her and she smiled in a nervous sort of way. “Trying out for the team?”

Thea looked away from him. “Yeah, I think so.”

Karl threw Albus a triumphant look and wiggled his eyebrows. “If you ever want to, you know, get together to practise some time, I’m an excellent coach. I’m thinking of doing a flying demonstration in this year’s talent show actually.” He paused as if expecting gasps of excitement at the prospect.

“Thanks, I’ll bear that in mind.” Thea smiled politely but made a point of going back to her homework.

“And it’ll help you, having a team insider’s advice.” He nudged Thea and winked.

“You’re not necessarily on the team, Karl,” Rose put in bitterly. “Tryouts are at the weekend.”

Karl waved his hand nonchalantly and didn’t even take his eyes off Thea. “Oh, those. A formality.” He stood up to leave, deliberately brushing past Thea’s shoulder in the process. “Can’t wait to be teammates.”

Thea shuddered the second he was out of sight. “He’s… friendly.”

“He’s a creep,” Rose scoffed, looking thoroughly disgruntled.

“Are you going to let him back on the team?” Polly asked, looking unimpressed.

Rose shook her head. “Not if I can help it. Even if he was the best beater at tryouts, his attitude’s awful.”

“Everyone knows _you’ll_ be the best beater at tryouts, Rosie Posie,” Albus teased in a simpering voice.

“What do you want?” Rose eyed him suspiciously.

“Nothing! I can’t just be nice to you?”

“There’s some sort of sarcastic undertone to this that I’m not getting.” Rose gathered her Quidditch diagrams together. “I’m going to bed. Anyone else?”

Thea nodded, putting her homework away. “I’m done too.”

Polly gestured to the essay she was working on. “I should finish this.” She looked at Albus. “And I was hoping you might help me with the conclusion, Al?”

Albus nodded and smiled, accepting the potions essay Polly slid in his direction and running his eyes over it. Rose and Thea left together and Polly discreetly placed her hand over the writing Albus was reading. He looked up at her in surprise.

“What do you think of Thea?” she asked quietly.

“Um, I really like her. She’s cool, I’m glad we made friends.” He looked at Polly strangely. “Why, do you not like her?”

Polly shook her head. “No, I do! I really do like her too.”

“Okay, good.” Albus smiled and went back to reading her conclusion.

“Do you have a crush on her?” Polly blurted out.

Albus actually snorted out loud before he could stop himself. “What the hell, Polly? No I don’t have a crush on her.”

Suddenly, Albus went into an internal panic. Was it too telling that he didn’t have a crush on Thea? She was pretty and funny and clever and new to the school, maybe he was meant to have a crush on her.

“What makes you ask?” Albus asked as casually as he could.

“Just,” Polly hesitated and looked away, “I saw you looking at her a few times.”

Albus felt himself blush, which was stupid as he hadn’t ever been looking at Thea in any way. “No, definitely wasn’t like that. She’s, er, not my type.”

An awkward pause followed and Albus panicked that he was implying the wrong thing.

“Not because she’s black! I love black women.” He cringed at his own words. “Not like I have a _thing_ for black women, I just, I just love all women and-“

“Albus,” Polly chuckled, cutting him off. He suddenly found he was breathing very fast.

“Sorry,” he muttered, although he couldn’t pinpoint what he was apologising for. “I think I’m going to go to bed too. Your conclusion looks great, goodnight, Pol.”

* * *

Albus took a late breakfast the next day, taking advantage of his early free period. He sleepily sat down at the steadily emptying Gryffindor table and pulled a mug towards him, filling it with coffee automatically. Polly was bouncing around on the balls of her feet as if she’d been waiting for him.

“I have to go to Care of Magical Creatures, but _look_ at this, Al! I want to know who you think it is later!”

She threw a copy of _Hogossip_ at him and left in a flurry of blonde hair and laughter. Albus rolled his eyes and pushed the paper aside, reaching for a piece of toast. Polly’s enthusiasm around the tiniest nuggets of gossip never failed to bewilder him.

People all around him were reading their own copies of _Hogossip_ and whatever it said today was causing quite the stir. Albus wondered what Jacob Finch-Fletchley had done now as the loud conversation from the people beside him carried over.

“That Blakely boy in sixth year for sure!”

“What if it isn’t a boy?”

There was certainly an excited buzz of chatter, now Albus thought about it. Whatever _Hogossip_ had reported on this week, it was hitting its mark. He spread jam on his toast and glanced down at the article, reading it upside down.

_Hogossip! Fresh from the cauldron!_

_This is a post on behalf of a student, submitted to us anonymously. Listen up Hogwarts, someone has something to say._

Albus was intrigued, and he span the paper around to face him and read on.

_“Sometimes, I like to stand at the top of the Astronomy Tower in the middle of the night, and just look out at the stars. The universe is huge, and for a single second, I feel comforted by the fact that I am so small and insignificant in this big, wide world. I feel almost as if my worries don’t matter, because stars don’t have worries, they exist and shamelessly so. So this is my first step, into my own shameless existence too._

_I’m gay, Hogwarts. Maybe one day I’ll be brave enough to say that out loud._

_Stargazer”_

_Well, there we have it, kids! Poetic, isn’t it?_

Albus couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t speak. The slice of toast which he’d been about to eat now seemed destined to remain untouched forever. He read the message through again, and then a third time.

There was somebody like him. Just like him.

_Stargazer._

In an instant, Albus abandoned his breakfast and, taking the article with him, headed straight for the owlery. As he walked, he thought about the words Stargazer had written.

_This is my first step into my own shameless existence._

He couldn’t imagine being brave enough to come out publicly like that, even anonymously, and he was supposed to be a Gryffindor. But despite being braver than him, Stargazer’s words resonated with Albus.

_Stars don’t have worries, they exist and shamelessly so._

When he reached the owlery, he unfolded the article and read it again. There was nobody else around, most students were in class and those who weren’t didn’t tend to choose the owlery as a place to spend their free periods. He grabbed a piece of parchment and a quill, waving his wand over it with a quick concealment charm so his handwriting wouldn’t be recognisable.

_Dear Stargazer,_

_I’m just like you. I feel like I’m on the outside of the world looking in sometimes, like holding this secret in my heart is putting up walls between me and my friends and family. I’m not sure if they’ve noticed it, but I feel it._

_I admire your courage, that first step into a shameless existence. I wouldn’t have been able to do that, I’m not even sure I’ll be able to send this letter to you. I suppose it’s just comforting to know I’m not the only one who has a secret._

_Thank you_

Albus read it through and cast around for a name to sign the letter off with. His mind went to the guitar in the corner of his dorm, the other secret he was keeping.

_Thank you_

_Strings_

He coaxed down the most anonymous-looking school owl he could spot, tied the letter (addressed to _Stargazer)_ to its leg and gave it strict instructions to return any replies to his dormitory, nowhere else. The owl hooted in understanding and took off, making several swooping circles before disappearing into the distance.

All morning Albus couldn’t concentrate in class, his mind ticking away and suddenly seeing everyone around him in a new light. Who was this mysterious Stargazer? Did he share any classes with them? Could they be on the Quidditch team with him?

“Albus! We’ve started,” Professor Jacobs caught Albus by surprise and he jumped and grinned sheepishly, feverishly lighting a fire beneath his cauldron.

“Sorry, Professor.”

“It’s not like you to be so distracted in Potions. Is something wrong?”

Albus swallowed. “Nothing, Professor.”

“Off you go then, I’m looking forward to seeing what you produce.” Professor Jacobs smiled and moved on. “This could become part of your potions licence portfolio, you know.”

Rose caught Albus’ eye with a pointed stare and Albus knew what she was getting at. “You haven’t told her?” she hissed.

“Not yet,” Albus replied uncomfortably.

“She thinks you’re going to apply for a potioneer’s licence, you need to tell her you don’t want to.”

“I’ll get to it.” He nervously played with the back of his hair. “I don’t want to let her down.”

“That’s not a reason to give up on your dream!”

“Drop it, Rosie.”

“Albus, music is your passion and-“

“I said drop it.”

Rose sighed and focused on her own potion, but Albus saw her glance over at him as if she wanted to bring the subject up again several times throughout the lesson.

Lunch was a blur of confusion, not helped by his friends from other Houses coming to join the Gryffindors. It happened frequently, and usually Albus liked the break spending time with all his friends provided, but today it was just overwhelming when all he could think about was whether Stargazer had read his letter.

“I just don’t understand why you’re wearing it _now,”_ Scorpius Malfoy, from Slytherin and that year’s Head Boy, said in an exasperated tone.

“It looks good,” Cole Flint, also Slytherin, shrugged and took a mouthful of sandwich.

“That’s a matter of opinion,” Scorpius muttered and then grinned widely and smacked Cole lightly on the shoulder. “Al, what do you think?”

Albus jumped and it took him a second to process what he was being asked his opinion on. Scorpius was gesturing to Cole’s head and looking at Albus expectantly.

He laughed like he had completely understood the question and surveyed Cole’s light brown hair, which was pushed back with a thin, black hair band. “Scorpius has a point. If it’s to make you more aerodynamic on the Quidditch pitch, why are you wearing it at lunch?”

“You don’t think aerodynamic is a good look on me?” Cole pretended to be offended.

Albus shrugged and exchanged a smirk with Scorpius.

Cole laughed and ruffled Albus’ eternally messy, black hair. “At least I haven’t had the same hairstyle since first year.”

Albus pointed to his hair. “Would we call this a style? I prefer to think of it more as making the best of whatever I wake up with.”

“I dunno, ask the expert.” Cole nudged Scorpius in the ribs. “Fifteen minutes he spent brushing his hair this morning.”

“I like to take my time,” Scorpius protested, lightly brushing a lock of perfect blonde hair from his eye. “Why are you keeping count of how long I take anyway?”

As they descended into one of their usual lighthearted bickers, Albus looked at his watch and realised that, if he wanted to check for a reply before class, he was going to have to leave for Gryffindor Tower now if he wanted to make it back in time for Herbology.

“Shit, is that the time? I need to, er, put my textbook away.”

Albus didn’t particularly think anyone was paying too much attention to his reason for leaving lunch early, as his quiet sentence was drowned out by Cole’s loud voice. So as he stood up to leave, he was surprised to see Polly doing the same thing and making eye contact with him.

“I’ll come with you, Al. I have a free period now.”

“Oh, yeah, sure.” Albus shrugged as if this was no big deal.

“Are you feeling okay? You seem a bit tense today,” Polly asked him gently as soon as they were alone and leaving the Great Hall.

Albus knew Polly wouldn’t drop it until he told her why he was tense; he’d have to tell Polly something else.

“Professor Jacobs asked me about my potioneering licence again,” he said, realising in that moment that he was telling the truth and the topic _was_ making him tense.

Polly sighed. “You really should tell her you don’t want to do it. I know you’re great at potions, but she shouldn’t have just assumed you were going to do it.”

“Er, she didn’t exactly just assume. I _did_ say I wanted to go for the licence, last year, before the summer.”

“Well then, you should tell her you just changed your mind.”

“And then she’ll ask what I’m planning to do instead and I don’t have an answer to that question, Polly.” Albus sighed as they climbed a staircase.

“Sorry, Al. I didn’t mean to make you angry.”

He made an effort to soften his expression, but anxiety was building inside him the closer they got to the dormitory and a possible reply from Stargazer. “I’m not angry, it’s just getting to me.”

Polly looked like she wanted to change the subject. “Hey, did you read that _Hogossip_ article from this morning? About the closeted gay kid?”

“I did,” Albus said casually in an attempt to not sound like the phrase _closeted gay kid_ had just given him heart palpitations.

“Who do you think it is? My first thought was Jacob Finch-Fletchley but there’s no way he would have written in to Melissa’s paper like that, he’s furious with her. Could it be someone in your dorm, maybe? Liam Abercrombie has always been weirdly into Celestina Warbeck…” Polly mused to herself.

Albus snorted. “If it’s Liam Abercrombie then he’s in major denial, the number of girls he brings back.”

Albus couldn’t explain how he just knew it wasn’t Liam Abercrombie.

“But that would make so much sense!”

“Trust me, Polly. Liam’s not gay, I just get a _vibe.”_ Albus grinned.

Polly eyed him suspiciously as they reached the entrance to Gryffindor tower. “Are you teasing me?”

“Yes, yes I am.” He turned to the Fat Lady. “Pumpkin.”

The common room was basically deserted as lunch was coming to an end, and Polly headed towards a cluster of chairs.

“I’m going to work here I think, start that Defence essay. It’s not as painfully quiet as the library.” Polly took a seat near the fireplace and Albus nodded, glad she seemed to have sensed he wanted to be alone. Polly was good at picking up on that.

Albus smiled and left her to it, trying not to run up the staircase to the seventh year boys’ dormitory. He closed the door behind him as casually as he could and then sprinted over to his bed, looking for any signs the owl had brought a reply from Stargazer. But the top of his bed was empty, and so was his bedside table, and the lid of his trunk.

Albus sighed, lowered himself down on top of his bed and dragged his hands down his face with a groan.

Why did he suddenly care so much? He didn’t know this person, they were a total stranger. But it was the idea that there was someone else out there like him. Someone who felt the way he did, and could validate the way he was feeling.

He should leave the dormitory now, or he was going to be late for Herbology, but the quiet calm was what his mind needed in that moment. Making the decision in that moment to skip Herbology, he opened the case at the end of his bed and retrieved his guitar. It fitted perfectly where he propped it across his knee, and the strings felt familiar and calming beneath his calloused fingers.

He began to pick out a tune, using the very tips of his fingers to gently pluck at the strings. It was one of his own compositions but it didn’t have any words yet, he just liked the melody. His eyes drifted closed for just a second as he lost himself in the music he was playing.

The door creaked open and Albus jumped, stopping his strumming abruptly and placing his palm flat against the strings. He looked up to see who was poking their head around the door and he relaxed; it was only Polly.

“You didn’t come back down, I thought you might have fallen asleep.” She shrugged and came to sit beside him on the bed. “What about Herbology?”

“I’m taking a mental health day,” Albus smiled and started strumming again.

“Are you sure everything’s okay?”

He stopped playing and looked at her for a long, hard second. Polly, his best friend since he was eleven, the first friend he’d made who wasn’t a member of his family. One of the only people who knew about his secret dream to play music.

And nothing felt more wrong than telling her he was gay. He just _couldn’t._

“Everything’s okay,” Albus reassured her. “Do you want to hear what I’ve been working on?”

It was a bit of a cheap trick to distract Polly like that when he knew she would never say no to hearing him play, it was one of those things about having been best friends for so long. Polly might have known Albus was trying to distract her, but she went along with it anyway.

She watched him play for a bit and, as Albus came to the end of a song, she was giving him a meaningful look.

“What?” Albus asked, even though he knew what she was going to say.

“You know.” Polly raised one eyebrow. “The talent show. You should enter.”

“No,” Albus muttered, going to start strumming again.

Polly gently held his wrist to stop him playing again. “Just think about it, Al. It’s the last year you’ll ever be able to.”

Albus smiled. “I’ll think about it.”

He stayed there with Polly for the rest of the time he was supposed to be in Herbology before they both had to leave for Charms. The whole time he was playing, Albus glanced frequently at the window just in case the owl returned with a reply. He wasn’t sure how he’d explain what the letter was to Polly, but he needn’t have worried because no owls arrived for him anyway.

Charms seemed to drag on forever. Professor Flitwick lectured on levitation theory and set them some difficult tasks to complete. All Albus could think about was Stargazer, and if he’d replied, and what he might say. The lesson eventually came to an end and Albus shook all his friends off to run back to the dorm as quickly as possible. He’d just say he was tired later or something.

He was nearly at the entrance to Gryffindor tower when-

“Albus!” Cursing everything, Albus gritted his teeth and turned around, wanting nothing more than to just sprint back to his dormitory and check for a reply from Stargazer.

Professor Longbottom strode towards Albus with a stern expression on his face, looking more like he was in _Professor_ mode than _Uncle Neville._

“Hello, sir,” Albus addressed his godfather.

Uncle Neville pulled a face. “Don’t call me _sir,_ Al.”

Albus grinned.

“Why were you not in my class today?”

He stopped grinning. “Er, I’m really sorry. I needed some space, it’s hard to explain.”

Neville’s expression softened immediately. “Come to my office, Albus. It’s been a while since we’ve caught up. I’ll make you hot chocolate.”

“Oh! It’s okay, I’ll just-“

Drinking hot chocolate with his godfather would be a pleasant prospect on any other day, but right now Albus wanted nothing more than to get to his dormitory.

“Your mum would have my head if she thought I wasn’t looking out for you.” Neville sighed. “Please?”

“Alright,” Albus resignedly followed him to his office.

When inside, Uncle Neville made two steaming mugs of delicious-smelling hot chocolate and handed one to Albus. It had a picture of a mimbulus mimbletonia and said _Free Hugs_ on the side.

“How are you finding seventh year?” Neville sipped his drink and surveyed Albus over the top of the mug.

“Busy, hard, fun,” Albus threw out words as they came to him. “Going by scarily quickly.”

Neville nodded. “Before you know it, you’ll be out in the big wide world. This isn’t career advice, but are you still interested in potioneering?”

In his fifth year career advice session, Albus had talked to Neville about how he liked potions and was pretty good at them and Neville had given him some pamphlets for breweries which would sponsor him to study for his own potioneer’s licence. Albus had read them and thought he might maybe like that, but he hadn’t really told too many people about it.

Neville went on. “Because your dad was saying you wanted to go for your licence. Is that true?” Something in Neville’s expression made Albus think he knew that was no longer true.

“Can I tell you something, Uncle Neville?”

“Please do, Albus.” Neville smiled.

Albus hoped what he was about to say wouldn’t start Neville off on a big speech; he wanted to see if Stargazer had replied.

“I don’t want to get my potioneer’s licence anymore,” he admitted.

“Nothing wrong with that, you don’t have to be a potioneer.”

Albus liked that Neville didn’t ask him what he wanted to be instead, but he felt like sharing. “Don’t tell my dad this, okay. I want to tell him myself.” Neville nodded in agreement. “But I want to go into… music.” He whispered the last word as if it was charmed to cause an explosion.

“What a great idea! Are you going to join a band? You could even start a band!”

“Not a band. Just me, by myself, and my guitar. I know I’m probably not good enough to get anywhere, but I want to try.”

Neville smiled and took a sip of hot chocolate. “If you didn’t think you were good enough to get anywhere, you wouldn’t be trying. Self-belief is a powerful thing.”

“I know it’s silly, and I should pick a stable career path like potioneering-“

“Like James did when he trialled for several professional Quidditch teams?” Neville put in dryly.

“That’s different, James is really good. Everyone knew he’d get on a team,” Albus protested.

“How is it different? You’re really good, I’ve heard you. There’s no _everyone_ involved. James went for what he wanted and it paid off.” Neville paused in thought. “Why don’t you enter the talent show in January?”

Albus rolled his eyes. “I’m not entering the bloody talent show.”

“Why? Think you’re too good for the little Hogwarts talent show?”

Albus felt himself blush. “No, not at all,” he muttered. “More like the opposite.”

Neville scoffed. “Albus, you’ve sat through one of those shows haven’t you? You’ve seen half the acts?”

“Yes, and everyone laughs at those people and I don’t want to be one of them,” Albus said bluntly.

Neville seemed to be regretting his choice of words. “No, no, that’s not what I meant. I just meant you’re plenty talented enough.”

“Thanks, Uncle Neville, but I’m okay.”

The sun was starting to set by the time he finally left Neville’s office, walking as fast as he could without running all the way to Gryffindor Tower. He waved to his friends in the common room and ignored their confused looks as he sprinted up the staircase and straight into the thankfully empty dormitory.

There, on his pillow, was an envelope, addressed to _Strings_.

Albus let out a huge exhale and he clutched the letter to his chest, looking up at the ceiling and feeling a swoop in his stomach. Whoever Stargazer was, they’d written back to him. They were _real._

He pulled the hangings around his bed and reverently opened the envelope, withdrawing the note inside and breathing heavily.

_Strings,_

_You have a secret too? Is it, by any chance, the same as my secret? If so, how did you know? And have you told anyone?_

_Yours_

_Stargazer_

Albus feverishly grabbed parchment and a quill and settled in to write a reply.

_Stargazer,_

_The very same secret. I suppose I’ve always known. When I was little, I had this huge crush on Gonçalo Flores from the Brazilian National Quidditch team. At the time, I thought he was my favourite player because he was a good Chaser. But that didn’t explain the recurring dreams I used to have about him._

_My parents met here at Hogwarts, but in my first few years here, I couldn’t imagine getting married to any of the girls in my class, or really to any girls at all. I thought perhaps I was just too young, and those feelings would come later. My older brother got his first girlfriend in second year, but I told myself it didn’t matter that I hadn’t had a crush on any girls._

_It was my first Yule Ball in fourth year, and I got so stressed about asking anyone that I ended up just asking one of my best friends and going with her. I told myself I’d ‘be more organised’ for the next one in sixth year, which I think meant ‘be a bit more honest with myself’ and admit that there were several boys I would have liked to have taken._

_But I didn’t. Sixth year came and I panic-asked a girl in one of my classes. I meant as friends but she got the wrong idea and thought I wanted to be her boyfriend. I’m ashamed to say I wasn’t brave enough to tell her otherwise, and we were in a relationship for two months. She told me she was falling in love with me and I ended things. Not my proudest moment._

_What’s your story, Stargazer? Any gay-panic-induced girlfriends for you? (If you’re a boy too, I just realised I don’t actually know that)_

_Strings_

* * *

 

_Strings,_

_Gonçalo Flores, eh? Interesting, I wondered if you were a Quidditch person too. A fine first crush. I’m sure he’d be thrilled if he knew._

_To answer your question, I am a boy too. But no girlfriends here, panic-induced or otherwise. That would involve me having to pluck up the courage to ask someone out, and if you knew me, you’d realise why that’s so unlikely._

_For me, the knut dropped when I was in my fifth year. My parents got me tickets to see_ Firewhiskeys _live. Their lead singer is pretty enough to give anyone a sexual awakening._

_You had a Yule Ball in fourth and sixth year, so that makes you a seventh year like me. I went stag both times, you might have seen me lamenting my gay existence at the dessert table on both occasions._

_Halloween is coming up. I hope there’s another party after the feast like last year. Fancy dress parties are the best! Do you like parties?_

_Stargazer_

* * *

_Dear Stargazer,_

_Quidditch practically runs in my veins, but my feelings for Gonçalo were nothing to do with his quaffle technique._

Firewhiskeys _are one of my favourite bands! Sloan Collins is pretty much exclusively why, so I get you._

_I wonder if I do know you, seeing as we’re both in seventh year. I don’t recall seeing any particularly homosexual lament at the dessert table. Maybe you bumped into me hiding my heteronormative awkwardness behind a pile of profiteroles and later not having a clue how to dance with a girl._

_I never miss a party, Stargazer. Especially a fancy dress one. Dressing up and pretending to be something I’m not? I’m an expert at that. Maybe I’ll go as Sloan this year. What about you?_

_Strings_

It was the weekend before Albus knew it, and he couldn’t stop thinking about Stargazer. He found he was less intrigued about who was writing the letters and more involved in enjoying talking to whoever he was.

The very rare times Albus had ever tried to genuinely flirt in his life had made him feel so awkward and uncomfortable, but writing to Stargazer alleviated all of those feelings. He had time to plan what he was going to say, and Stargazer couldn’t see how much he blushed every time he read his words. Stargazer’s letters were becoming the highlight of his day, and he found himself noticing things all around him which somehow linked back to something Stargazer had said.

After Stargazer revealed his first crush had been on the lead singer of _Firewhiskeys,_ Albus felt as if he were seeing the band everywhere. A boy at the breakfast table had a sticker on his school bag, someone in the common room was playing _I Bet You Look Good On A Broomstick,_ someone in the corridor was wearing a t-shirt with Sloan Collins’ face on it. Any one of them could be Stargazer!

Between homework and hanging out with his friends, Stargazer sent him three letters over the weekend.

_Strings,_

_A braver man than I would make a hilarious and inappropriate innuendo about Gonçalo and his ‘quaffle technique’ but alas, I can’t even pull that off in writing._

_Sloan Collins has a lot to answer for. I can’t be the only boy who realised a lot of things about himself after he wore that body paint._

_Maybe we do know each other, maybe we don’t. I quite like not knowing, the mystery of this all is both exciting and comforting. I like talking to you, Strings._

_I’m not dressing up this year, just don’t feel like it. Anyway, everyone knows the best thing about Halloween is the pumpkin spiced pepper imps. They’re my favourite._

_Stargazer_

* * *

_Dear Stargazer,_

_I’m very glad you didn’t make that innuendo, I’m not sure I could handle it at this fragile new stage of accepting my sexuality. Save it for another day!_

_I wanted to ask, and you don’t have to tell me, but what made you confess anonymously to the school newspaper before you told your friends or family? I’m terrified to tell anyone, an anonymous confession wouldn’t have even crossed my mind._

_That’s fair, the dressing up thing isn’t for everyone. I’m just trying to source the right shade of green body paint at the moment of course ;) agreed! Those little imps holding pumpkins are the best thing about this time of year._

_Strings_

* * *

_Dear Strings,_

_Honestly, I don’t have a clear answer to that question. I suppose I just wanted to tell someone, but I’m not ready for that someone to be anyone I know in real life. I’ve accepted myself as I am, but there’s always that fear that the people I love won’t be as accepting. My parents are good people, but they’ve always made those little asides about ‘when I get my first girlfriend’ and I know they don’t mean any harm, but they’re setting an expectation by doing that. I just don’t know how they’ll react. I’m not ready to find out; I just want to be me a little longer._

_I didn’t for a second think that Hogossip post would lead to ‘meeting’ you, not that we’ve ever met in person. It’s great talking to you, Strings._

_Please tell me you’re joking about the Sloan Collins body paint! I’m not sure my poor heart can handle that, plus I’d know who you were! Unless that’s what you want?_

_Stargazer_

* * *

_Starry G, (only because I keep starting my letters the same way)_

_That’s understandable, and I’m in a very similar situation! I can’t even explain why I don’t want to come out to my family yet, I know deep down they won’t have a problem and will accept and love me for who I am. Maybe it’s that, on some level, I don’t feel like I should have to come out? Why is straight just considered the default unless told otherwise? Nobody’s ever asked me if I’m straight so why should they just assume? I need to process it all a bit more before I tell anyone._

_I really like talking to you too, Stargazer. Seriously, sometimes it’s the highlight of my day._

_Joking about the body paint, nobody wants to see that!_

_Strings_

* * *

 

Albus felt like he had a secret, glowing talisman with him at the breakfast table on Monday. Every time he thought about Stargazer, he felt a thrill of excitement course through him and he worked hard to keep a huge grin off his face all the time so as not to arouse suspicion. Albus hid behind his coffee cup for just a second and let himself smile into its depths as he thought about some of the things Stargazer had said in his letters.

“Are you still on for flying tonight, Al?” Rose jolted him from his thoughts.

“Yeah, sure, still on.” He grinned as normally as he could, as if Rose had just become a legilimens and could see inside his mind at the thoughts about Stargazer.

“Great, I was thinking of inviting-“

“We’re having a Halloween party.” Cole Flint sat down at the same time as making this announcement, Scorpius Malfoy bouncing at his heels excitedly waving a clipboard.

“Hosted by Slytherins.” Scorpius sat down beside Cole.

“Head Boy approved and everything.” Cole patted Scorpius on the top of his head.

Rose cleared her throat. “Oi, why wasn’t the Head Girl consulted before this _approval?_ ”

“Sorry, Rose.” Scorpius smiled. “What do you think about the Slytherins hosting a Halloween party?”

“Where?” Rose locked eyes with him.

“Room of Requirement.” Scorpius didn’t hesitate.

“When?”

“After the feast.”

“Who’s invited?”

“Everyone in fifth year and up.”

Rose’s expression softened. “Will there be snacks?”

Scorpius smiled and waved his clipboard of what were apparently party plans. “Just a few, everyone will be stuffed from the feast.”

“Just sweets and crisps mainly,” Cole put in. “Any suggestions?”

“Oh you have to get some of those pumpkin spiced pepper imps!” Polly cried enthusiastically.

“Those are my _favourite!”_ Scorpius replied, equally as happily and jotting them down on his clipboard.

Albus felt a little flicker in his stomach at the mention of the pumpkin spiced pepper imps and he appraised Scorpius as he continued to plan emphatically with Rose and the others.

His white blonde hair was tousled today and fell effortlessly into his grey eyes, until he brushed it back with a slender-fingered hand. He had a nice smile, Albus had always thought that, and an infectious laugh. And there was something a bit sexy about the way he was making decisions and scribbling things down on his clipboard.

The truth was _everyone_ liked those pumpkin flavoured pepper imps, and Scorpius was probably exaggerating when he said they were his favourite, but Albus couldn’t help it. Later that night, when he opened Stargazer’s next letter, he imagined it was Scorpius Malfoy writing to him.

_Starry G??? New, Strings, new._

_Those are some excellent points, you’re very wise and astute. I’ll tell my parents eventually, when I’m feeling a bit braver._

_Talking to you is a highlight in my day too. Is it strange that I don’t even know what you look like but I can’t stop thinking about kissing you? I hope that isn’t too forward._

_Starry G ;)_

* * *

O _kay, Stargazer, happy?_

_I don’t think I’ve ever been described as ‘wise and astute’ before but I’ll take it. Star, you’re one of the bravest people I know, and I don’t even know who you are. I could never have told the whole school I was gay._

_It would only be too forward if I wasn’t feeling exactly the same way. I can’t stop thinking about kissing you either._

_Strings_

Albus doodled a tiny picture of a guitar next to his name, changed his mind and scribbled out, then smiled stupidly to himself at Stargazer’s words. It was true that he’d thought about kissing him before, but now he had a face to picture, the vision in his head was even clearer.

He closed his eyes for a second and imagined pressing his lips to Scorpius’, each of them tilting their heads in opposite directions, their hands wandering up into each other’s hair. Scorpius’ hair must be silky and soft, it always looked so perfect. His long, slender fingers would caress his cheek and bring them closer together.

Yes, kissing this version of Stargazer would be wonderful.

Albus coaxed down an owl and tied the letter to its leg. He held it carefully in both hands and started to cross the owlery floor to the window to release the owl.

“Alright, Potter.”

Albus dropped the owl in fright and it squawked loudly in his face and flew far away from him up to the corner of the rafters. He tried to keep it in sight, wondering how to coax it back down.

“Ouch, touchy little things, aren’t they.”

It was Karl Jenkins, a snowy white owl perched on his arm and a smug smirk on his face.

“Hi, Karl,” Albus replied sulkily; he really was not in the mood for talking to Karl right now.

“Ordering myself a new broom, the Storm Surge.” He paused as if waiting for Albus to gasp in amazement. When Albus said nothing, he cleared his throat awkwardly then carried on. “Yeah, it’s meant to be unstoppable. Maybe I’ll even try out for Keeper this year, keep you on your toes.”

He patted Albus on the shoulder and all he could do was stare at Karl in disgust, hoping he would leave.

“Only joking, I can’t deprive the world of my beating ability.” Karl brushed his hair from his face arrogantly.

Albus tried to spot the owl with his letter but it appeared to have been so scared it had completely hidden itself away. He didn’t want to draw attention to the letter he was sending in front of Karl, so he made a decision on the spot to come back after flying and find the owl to send the letter. With a jolt, Albus realised that meant he’d have to wait longer for Stargazer to reply and the thought made him feel disappointed.

“Bye, Karl,” Albus said, leaving the owlery as quickly as possible and crossing his fingers the scared owl stayed hidden with his letter until he came back.

It didn’t take long to reach the Quidditch pitch and Rose was already there with Albus’ broom in her hand, chatting and laughing with Thea.

“Al! I never got a chance to tell you, but I invited Thea. That’s okay, isn’t it?”

Albus didn’t have a problem at all with Thea joining them, he was just surprised Rose had included somebody else in their tradition.

“Of course that’s okay! Hi, Thea.” They smiled at each other. “Won’t Polly feel left out, though?”

Rose frowned. “She hates flying.”

Thea chuckled. “I asked her to come too, she said _I hate flying_.”

“She does,” Albus laughed in response.

“Well, shall we go?” Rose handed Albus his broom and mounted her own.

It was both exhilarating and relaxing zooming around the grounds with Rose and Thea. They started off sticking to the border of the Quidditch pitch but they soon got bored of that and branched out, skimming the tops of the trees at the edge of the forest.

Albus thought about Scorpius and Stargazer’s words. He imagined Scorpius was watching him as he flew and the thought gave him a pleasant squirm in his stomach. He would be lying if he said he hadn’t ever noticed how attractive Scorpius Malfoy was, but Albus thought a lot of boys were attractive; this was something different.

Laughing cheerfully together, the three of them landed in a heap and threw their brooms down, laying flat on their backs and staring up at the stars.

“We’re definitely out past curfew,” Thea commented, making no effort to move.

“That’s because we’re on urgent Head Girl business that I couldn’t possibly have done by myself,” Rose explained.

“Isn’t that why you have a Head Boy?”

“Scorpius would not approve of this rule-breaking.” Rose smirked.

“Ah, but it’s not rule-breaking, it’s _urgent Head Girl business,”_ Albus teased.

“Fine, next time I’ll go flying with Scorpius and I won’t invite you two.”

All this talk of Scorpius was making Albus blush as he stared up at the stars.

_I feel so small and insignificant in this big wide world. My worries don’t matter._

By the time he got back, the owlery was completely empty, but it was also pitch-black.

“ _Lumos!”_ Albus ordered his wand to cast a beam of light and several owls squawked in protest and flew away. “Come here, owl with my letter! Er, please?”

Eventually he spotted the speckled owl with the oversized wings from earlier and it reluctantly answered his call. But the closer it got, the more Albus’ heart rate increased. The letter was gone, the owl's leg was empty.

“Where’s my letter?” He unceremoniously turned the owl over, searching for his letter, and the owl hooted in disgust at being turned upside down and nipped Albus hard on the finger. “No, no, no, no!”

He scanned the floor, crawling amongst mouse skulls and owl droppings, to see if the letter had fallen from the owl’s leg, but none of the fastenings were in place so it was unlikely.

“Shit!” Albus stamped his foot like a child having a tantrum as the worst possibility crossed his mind.

There was no way _Karl_ could have taken his letter, was there?

“ _Accio_ my letter!”

Nothing happened, which meant it wasn’t in the owlery. And the owl, although more than a bit disgruntled with Albus after his treatment of the bird, was hovering around his shoulder. He knew what that meant; he’d picked this owl to deliver his letter which meant it wouldn’t leave until it delivered a letter for him.

His letter hadn’t been delivered and it wasn’t in the owlery. Albus felt physically sick.

* * *

He slept badly, tossing and turning through half conscious dreams that he’d found the letter. Somewhere along the way he fell asleep and woke up to an envelope being dropped on his face. He groaned and rubbed his eyes, the realisation that this was another letter from Stargazer hitting him, because he hadn’t replied yet. Had something happened?

_Strings,_

_I’m sorry. I misjudged that. Please just forget I said anything, I’m really enjoying talking to you. I want to keep being friends._

_Hope you can forgive me,_

_Stargazer_

Albus sighed deeply as he read the letter, cursing himself for not thinking this through. Stargazer admitted to thinking about kissing him and he just hadn’t sent a reply because he’d been stressing about losing it. What message was that sending?

He quickly grabbed parchment and scribbled out a reply while the owl hopped around and waited.

_Stargazer,_

_You didn’t misjudge! I’m sorry, I fell asleep before I could write back to you. I don’t know why I was so exhausted._

_I hope it isn’t too forward of_ me _to say I’ve thought about kissing you too. Quite a few times. I know I don’t know what you look like, but I’ve still thought about it._

_Have a good day of classes,_

_Strings_

Albus strategically sat at breakfast so the Slytherin table was in his line of sight. He looked for any kind of visual signs that Scorpius Malfoy might be the boy he was writing to, but he wasn’t entirely sure what he was looking for. Really, the only reason he even thought it might be Scorpius was his comment about pepper imps and that could really apply to anyone.

He walked alone to Alchemy, which none of his friends took, and wondered if Stargazer had read his letter yet. The thought made him grin to himself but was rudely interrupted by Karl Jenkins emerging almost from nowhere and falling in step with him.

“Hey, Albus.” Karl put on a simpering expression. “So, it was nice to bump into you in the owlery yesterday.”

Albus felt his blood run cold.

“Yeah, your owl was keen to deliver your letter once it got over its fright. It flew right at me, hopping around, wanting me to launch it.”

Albus stopped walking and turned to Karl incredulously. “Did you?”

“Oh no, everyone knows that’s against owlery etiquette.” He was smiling in a thin-lipped mockery of politeness. “Unfortunately, you didn’t tie your letter on all that securely. You see, it fell off.”

Albus narrowed his eyes at Karl. “You have my letter? 

Karl reached into his pocket and pulled something out. Something made of parchment and with the name _Stargazer_ on the front. Albus reached out to snatch it.

“Of course I didn’t _read it_ ,” Karl said meaningfully, hiding the letter away again. “That would be morally wrong. But curiosity _did_ get the better of me, what with who it was addressed to and everything.”

“Give it back,” Albus spat bitterly.

“You know, it might interest you to know my cousin is gay.”

Albus grabbed Karl by the elbow and marched him away to a nearby tapestry, which he pulled back to reveal a small alcove. He shoved Karl into it.

“What the hell is wrong with you? You intercepted my owl, you weirdo! Why are you going around reading people’s post? You sick freak!”

Karl just smiled silently at Albus. Albus took a deep breath and with it summoned every ounce of self control he had so as to not punch Karl right in his smarmy face.

“I happened to notice you made fast, firm friends with Thea Jordan.”

“And?” Albus said in a low voice.

“I wouldn’t mind some help getting to know her better.” Karl winked and licked his lips in a most unappealing gesture.

“Are you _blackmailing_ me?” Albus stared at him. “What is this, you want my help to get with Thea or you’re going to tell everyone I’m-“

Karl pulled a face. “I wouldn’t call it _blackmail._ I just think we can help each other out.”

Albus scowled.

Karl looked triumphant. “So will you help me? Because I think _Hogossip_ would be _very_ interested in a copy of this letter.”

“You’re a fucking loser.”

“A loser who knows your secret, even though you’re meant to be _wise and astute_.” He grinned evilly and Albus balled his fist up at his side. Karl folded his arms and tapped his foot impatiently. “Will you help me?  

“How the fuck am I supposed to help you? You are beyond help.” Albus went to stalk away and Karl faltered for the first time.

“Wait, Potter, you have to put in a good word for me with her. You know, talk me up a bit, tell her how every girl in Hogwarts would love to be with me.”

“Lie, you mean?” Albus said coolly, turning back.

“Feel free to invent a few cool stories that have happened to me in the past. She’s new to the school, she’ll never know.” He clicked his fingers. “Oh, tell her it was me who broke the chasing record in the Gryffindor Ravenclaw final two years ago!”

Albus stared at Karl. “That was my brother.”

Karl shrugged. “She wasn’t here, she can think it was me.” His expression darkened. “And make sure she’s not talking to any other guys, okay?”

Albus raised his eyebrows. “I can’t control what Thea does.”

“Yes you can, it’s easy to control what other people do.”

“You have a serious problem, Karl. Goodbye.” Albus pushed past him and down the corridor as quickly as he could. He needed to be on his own and to think, not sit in a stupid Alchemy class. But Neville was keeping tabs on him and there were only four of them in the class, he couldn’t get away with skiving.

He sat fuming, pretending to be poring over his textbook and making notes on the magical properties of garnet, but really he was ignoring the steadily rising panic in his chest and the strong urge to find Karl Jenkins and hex him hard. His thoughts swung back and forth like a pendulum.

What if Karl told everyone his secret?

Surely nobody would believe him.

He had Albus’ letter though, in which he used the words ‘I’m gay’ and told Stargazer he wanted to kiss him.

But he’d disguised his handwriting, it was only Karl’s word that confirmed Albus had written it.

But then he’d be denying it. He didn’t want to actively deny who he was. Anyway, all it would take would be for any of his friends to think about the idea of him being gay and the game was up. They’d think about how he’d never had a serious girlfriend, how he never talked about having crushes on girls, maybe Polly would say she’d ‘always gotten a vibe’ from him 

Did it matter if his friends knew though?

No, he wasn’t ready to come out. Not yet.

Albus couldn’t have told anyone what it was he’d just supposedly learnt in double Alchemy, just that he wanted to spend his next free period alone in his dorm with his guitar. The urge to hex Karl remained and was only cast aside when he saw a reply from Stargazer waiting atop his pillow.

_Strings,_

_That’s a relief, I was so sure I’d messed everything up there._

_When you think about us kissing, what do I look like? In my mind, you have dark hair and the most amazing eyes. You don’t have to confirm or deny that though, I’m just curious. I want us to still be anonymous._

_On that note, I feel like I should tell you something. When I said I wasn’t dressing up for Halloween, that wasn’t strictly true. I just don’t want you to know who I am, not yet. These letters feel like such a safe place, I’m just not ready for the world to know._

_Stargazer_

Albus read the letter through again, sighed, and went to find Karl in the common room. He was thankfully alone.

“This helping thing,” Albus said reluctantly.

“Told you it’s easy to control people.” Karl smiled in a sadistic sort of way.

“Don’t make me change my mind, Jenkins.”

“Okay then, I sit next to Melissa Lockhart in Transfiguration which I just _happen_ to have next. Maybe I’ll… leave her a note.” He smiled evilly.

“Fine. I’ll try.” Albus wanted to punch Karl more than ever in that moment.

“What sort of guys does Thea like? Is she into muscle? Maybe I should get back into lifting.” He started flexing his muscles and glanced up at Albus. "You're into guys, is this good?"

Albus gave him a look of pure disgust then wracked his brains for anything Thea had ever said about the kind of boys she liked, but he couldn’t recall her talking about the subject much.

“Maybe just… don’t try so hard. Thea’s quite lowkey, she’s chill. No big gestures.”

“Lowkey… chill…” Karl muttered as if these were words he’d never heard before. “Really, no big gesture?”

Albus shook his head. “No big gesture. Just hang out with her, get to know her a bit.”

“I thought that’s maybe what you were doing, Potter. Waiting to pounce, you know? Of course now I realise I was wrong.” He laughed cruelly.

“No.” Albus spoke in a flat tone.

“How do I hang out with her? Shall I ask her to study with me?”

Albus hesitated, and internally cringed, but at the same time panicked at the idea of Hogossip publishing his letter to Stargazer. Merlin, it was bad enough that _Karl_ had read it. 

“Do you want to come to the Slytherins’ Halloween party with my friends and me?”

* * *

_Stargazer,_

_Nothing’s messed up, everything’s perfect. Everything._

_I like us being anonymous too, but I suppose I can tell you you’re right about me having dark hair. Not that that narrows it down all that much. For some reason, I’m picturing you as a blonde. And tall. You write like you’re tall._

_See you at the Halloween party tonight._

_Strings_

* * *

 

“Perfect.” Polly adjusted Albus’ hair and stood back to admire the effect. “You look just like him.”

Albus looked into the mirror and snorted with laughter. His dark, messy hair was mostly tucked into a red bobble hat, he was wearing a green and white striped long-sleeve top and red trousers and round his neck hung a small cuckoo clock. He was the spitting image of Martin Miggs from the _Mad Muggle_ comics. 

“Crackers, is that the time, Penelope?” Albus said in a stupid voice, just like Martin did in the comic.

Polly giggled. “Late again, Martin.”

She was dressed as Penelope Pencil-Sharpener, Martin’s sidekick come love interest throughout the comic series. There had been a long running debate over whether Martin and Penelope were romantically involved in the story or not, with the writers often putting small things in the comics to tease the readers and make them think Martin and Penelope were going to kiss, but it always ended with Martin’s actions preventing that from happening. 

“For real though, they’re going to leave without us.” Albus held the door open for Polly and they left the dormitories for the common room to meet their friends. 

“You didn’t!” Rose greeted with a maniacal laugh. She appeared to be wearing her Gryffindor Quidditch robes in place of a Halloween costume.

“You literally didn’t.” Albus folded his arms. “Where’s your costume?”

“I’m wearing it, clearly.” Rose turned around and pointed at her back, where she’d stuck a red handkerchief over part of her name so instead of _Granger-Weasley,_ it just read _Weasley._

“You dressed up as… er,” Polly looked at Albus in confusion and he shrugged.

“I’m your mum, Al!” She looked triumphant and seemed disappointed by the blank look Albus was giving her. “Or my dad, or my Uncle George, maybe my Uncle Charlie.”

“Wow, Rose, it’s only one night, no need to go to so much trouble,” Albus said in a deadpan voice.

“Happy Halloween everyone!” Thea was coming down the stairs. She was wearing a shiny blue dragon costume and it was undeniable that she looked very good in it.

“Nice dragon!” Albus spoke first after a pause in which neither Rose nor Polly said anything.

“Thanks, Al. You two look perfect.” She smiled at Polly who twirled her polka dotted skirt about. “And Rose, you’re…”

Rose turned around and pointed at her back.

“You’re Ginny Weasley!” Thea cried in triumph and Rose looked smug that she’d worked it out. “You’re Al’s mum!”

Albus laughed. “You know, Thea, I went as a dragon for three Halloweens in a row when I was little.”

“Cute!”

“I remember that!” Rose put in. “You threw a tantrum when we were five because our cousins kept stepping on your tail.”

“Was it like the time in first year when James borrowed his jumper and stretched it out of shape?” Polly giggled at the memory. “I’ve never seen you more determined to hex someone. 

“It was my favourite jumper,” Albus protested but Polly’s words reminded him of someone he very much _would_ like to hex right now and, as his friends went to leave, Albus didn’t follow. 

“Oh, hold on, I said we’d wait for Karl.”

Everyone stared at Albus like he’d just announced he was taking up tap dancing.

“You invited _Karl?”_ Rose looked disgusted at the idea.

“To come with _us?”_ Polly added.

“He didn’t have anyone to go with,” Albus muttered vaguely.

“I’m sure it’ll be fine,” Thea said confidently. “Here he is now.” 

Clenching his teeth in preparation for a shock, Albus turned to the staircase to see Karl emerging with an annoyingly smug expression on his face. He was wearing the most peculiar outfit imaginable; it included enlarged gold galleons spellotaped to his shirt, a hat in the shape of a sandwich and some Arithmancy equations scribbled up and down his arms.

“What are you supposed to be?” Albus asked after an awkward silence.

Karl grinned and gestured down at himself like it was obvious. “I’m the five principal exceptions to Gamp’s law of Elemental Transfiguration. Evening, Thea,” he added with a wink in her direction.

“Very clever,” Thea said in a forced voice.

“Allow me to accompany you.” He held his arm out to her and Rose stared at him like he was mad as she started to lead the way to the portrait hole. 

“That’s okay thanks, Karl.” Thea looked at him strangely and followed Rose. Polly caught up with them leaving Karl trailing behind with Albus. 

“I thought you were going to put in a good word for me,” Karl hissed.

“You’re wearing a _sandwich_ on your head. Nothing I could have said would have helped.” Albus stalked away from him to catch up with the girls.

When they reached the Room of Requirement where the party was being held, Cole Flint was outside the door, checking people off on a guest list and opening the room up for them to go inside.

“Evening, friends,” he called in greeting as they approached. “Let’s see, we have a dragon, and don’t tell me, oh! You two are Martin Miggs and Penelope. Rose, you came as Rose-“

“No!” Rose span around to show him her back. “I’m Ginny Weasley, pre-Harpies.”

“And I’ve got no idea what you’re meant to be, Karl. The person who brings around sandwiches to the goblins at Gringotts?”

Polly snorted with laughter at his words.

“I’m the five principal exceptions to-“

“See you in there soon!” Cole interrupted and stepped back to let them enter. “Don’t have too much fun without me. 

It was loud inside, music blaring from seemingly every corner, and packed with people in fancy dress costumes of varying degrees of effort.

“I’ll get us all drinks,” Rose said quickly.

“I’ll help you carry them,” Thea said, eyeing Karl warily but he didn’t seem to have noticed.

“Drinks, great!” Karl stuck close by to Thea who tugged her dragon costume further over her shoulders.

As the three rushed off, Polly looked around the room and crossed her arms uncomfortably.

“Alright?” Albus asked her in concern. 

“Yeah, I always feel so awkward at places like this. I never know what to do with myself.”

Albus gently pulled her arms free and jiggled them around a bit. “Do this, it looks very cool.”

Polly laughed and pulled her arms out of Albus’ grip. “Your cuckoo is about to pop out.”

Sure enough, as nine o’clock struck, the cuckoo clock around Albus’ neck sprung into action and the small bird poked its head out.

“How long before that gets annoying enough that you ditch it somewhere?” Polly stroked the bird.

As Albus considered her question, he was distracted from answering by the figure coming up behind Polly and towards them both with a smile on his face.

“Love the costumes!” Scorpius Malfoy looked very different in his costume, and Albus felt his stomach twist up in knots when he thought about the image he’d pictured of Scorpius being Stargazer and writing him the letters.

Albus groaned and laughed as he properly took in Scorpius’ unusually dark hair, fake, round glasses and red inked lightning bolt scar on his forehead. “No way!”

“You recognise me then?” Scorpius pushed his glasses up his nose. “Go to your room, Albus.” He spoke in an exaggerated, deep voice.

Albus laughed. “You should find Rose, she’s supposedly dressed as my mum.” He pretended to search around the party. “Maybe there’ll be someone here dressed as my brother too, or my little sister.”

Scorpius grinned as he turned back from the table behind him with his hands full. “Anyone want a shot?”

After a disastrous experience at James’ nineteenth birthday, Albus had vowed never to do a shot of anything again. But that was ages ago, he was older and wiser now, in fact he was _wise and astute_ and Scorpius’ eyes were bright and intriguing. Stargazer or not, he was fit.

“Yeah, alright,” Albus reached for one as Polly declined. She looked at Albus incredulously, clearly surprised at his decision to accept.

“Cheers.” Scorpius clinked the tiny glass he was holding with the one in Albus’ hand and threw his head back to take it. Albus did the same, remembering how James had taught him. The alcohol burned his throat and made him shudder as it went down, but Scorpius had his empty glass raised in triumph so Albus did the same.

“Whatever that was, it was pretty good,” Albus said in a way which he hoped made him sound cool and aloof, like he was used to taking shots.

“Want another one?” Scorpius offered as the girls returned with Karl in tow.

“Is that Ogden’s?” Karl asked loudly.

“Not a clue, mate.” Scorpius chuckled to himself and handed Albus another shot. “Wait, do it with me again,” he added quietly before handing out more until everyone had one.

“We should sing that song. Thea, do you know it? It goes-“

“Shut up, Karl,” Rose interrupted, knocking her shot back and encouraging everyone else to do the same.  

“Happy Halloween,” Scorpius whispered, quietly enough that only Albus could hear him. He realised Scorpius was already looking at him, sort of intensely, and he clinked his glass against Albus’ again.

“Happy Halloween,” Albus murmured back, feeling a bit lost for words.

He wasn’t sure if it was the second shot, but he wanted to stay here and talk to Scorpius more. He wasn’t even thinking about Stargazer anymore, this wasn’t about that. He’d just never really noticed how pretty Scorpius’ eyes were before, or how he was just on the right side of slender, or how his cheekbones could cut glass.

“Ever played Quiddrink before?” Scorpius said, not breaking their eye contact. “I need a partner.”

Albus had played Quiddrink, again an experience he’d gained from James’ nineteenth birthday party. He wasn’t very good at it, in fact wouldn’t have chosen to play at all tonight, but he didn’t think he could say no to Scorpius. 

“I’ll be your partner,” Albus replied.

“Okay, great, who else wants to play?” Scorpius spoke to the rest of the group but not everyone was paying attention.

“How about,” Albus pretended to consider everyone, “Thea and Karl?”

“What’s that?” Thea smiled.

“Quiddrink! Are you in?” Scorpius beckoned her to follow him.

“Let’s do this!” Karl yelled obnoxiously and Scorpius laughed as he ran ahead.

“Are you any good at this game?” Scorpius fell in step with Albus. “Because I have to admit I’m terrible.”

He shrugged and laughed. “Is it too late to pick a different partner?”

“Nope, you’re stuck with me now!” Scorpius reached over and stole the bobble hat from Albus’ head, placing it on top of his own hair, charmed to be dark like Albus’.

“It’s weird that you’re dressed as my dad,” Albus commented as they reached the Quiddrink table.

Scorpius leaned forward and Albus felt his breath catch. “It’s weird that you’re wearing a cuckoo clock.”

“Touché.” He laughed and turned to the table to see Thea stood with her arms folded, angled away from Karl and her expression set.

“Ilvy rules: no spinning, the middle ring is worth double and if you hit the keeper you have to down your drink.”

“You’re on.” Scorpius summoned a stack of small, red balls and handed one to Albus.

Quiddrink was pretty ridiculous as games go. A set of miniature Quidditch hoops stood at each end of a table decorated to look like a pitch. Cups of alcohol were set out to look like a Quidditch team in starting formation, traditionally made to increasing strength, with the seeker cup being a double shot. The players throw a ball into the opposite team’s hoops and if they make it, the other team have to drink one of the cups. There were small bludgers charmed to knock the ball off course as well as a ‘keeper’ which circled the hoops.

As it turned out, Thea was far better than any of the rest of them at the game. Karl had missed every shot he’d attempted, and Albus and Scorpius had each got one in, but were also down to only a beater cup and the seeker cup left thanks to Thea’s impressive aim.

“I’ve got a good feeling about this one,” Scorpius grinned over his shoulder at Albus and flicked his hair out of his eyes; it was starting to turn back to blonde in places where the charm was wearing off.

“Me too!” Albus replied enthusiastically. He suddenly realised it really _really_ mattered to him whether Scorpius made this shot. His adorably optimistic expression was so sweet it just made Albus want Scorpius to be happy. 

He also realised in that moment that he was really very drunk.

Scorpius flicked his wrist and the ball went soaring across the table, narrowly missed a bludger and landed in the centre hoop.

“Yes!” Scorpius cried enthusiastically, turning to Albus and pulling him into a hug. Albus hugged him back and for some reason didn’t let go, keeping his arm wrapped around Scorpius, who did the same thing. Their warm bodies were pressed together comfortably, Scorpius was just a bit taller than Albus and his head fit neatly into the crook of Scorpius’ neck.

“Well done,” Albus tried to whisper in what he thought was a seductive way but it might have just sounded like he had a sore throat.

“Nice shot.” Thea smiled and expertly finished two of their cups.

“We should hug too,” Karl sidled up to her and tried to wrap an arm around her waist.

“Maybe if you get one in, Karl.” Thea wriggled away.

It was in that moment that Albus realised he and Scorpius were still intertwined and maybe it had been too long and maybe he was telling everyone in the room that he and Scorpius were both secretly gay by standing here together and maybe that look Karl was giving him was saying exactly that and maybe he should stop.

He pulled away from Scorpius and pretended it was because he was taking his next shot seriously. Scorpius smiled and ran his now-free hand through his hair.

Thea made her next two shots and won the game for Karl, forcing Albus and Scorpius to drink the lethal seeker cup. They ended up splitting it, Scorpius swallowing half, shuddering then wiping his mouth and handing it to Albus.

“Shall we play again?” Karl asked expectantly, unsteady on his feet.

“No,” Thea shut the idea down at once. “I’m going to find Rose.”

Albus couldn’t even be bothered to step in and try to help Karl. Why did it matter if he told anyone about Albus’ letters? Maybe he should just kiss Scorpius here in front of everyone and save him the trouble. He _had_ to be Stargazer. 

Scorpius made his way to some nearby seating and Albus followed, falling down beside Scorpius and barely taking his eyes off him.

“I would say we should get another drink, but I don’t think I need one,” Scorpius’ eyes were glassy behind his pretend glasses and his hair was almost back to blonde.

“Do you want to-“

Before Albus could finish his question (not that he was completely sure what he was going to ask), his cuckoo clock obnoxiously burst into life and the little yellow bird sprung forwards, hitting Scorpius in the chest.

“Sorry!”

Scorpius found the whole thing hilarious. He laughed solidly for several minutes, and Albus looped the clock over his head and put it around Scorpius’ neck instead, which seemed like something smooth and flirty he could do.

“Where’s your hat gone?” Scorpius asked, watching the little bird pop back inside the clock.

Albus reached up and felt his hair, messy as ever and completely uncovered. “You took it!” he accused.

“I gave it back,” Scorpius protested. “I put it back on your head.”

Albus struggled to remember this event, vaguely recalling Scorpius reaching up and stroking his hair in the process.

“I lost it then,” he shrugged then he felt a sudden lurch in his stomach. “One second, wait here, I’ll be back.”

He dashed through partygoers, almost immediately coming across a doorway leading to an empty bathroom. _Room of Requirement perks_ Albus thought to himself as he locked himself inside and waited for the room to stop spinning, sat on the floor and staring at the ceiling. Confident he wasn’t going to throw up, Albus hauled himself back up and stared at his reflection, thinking about Scorpius waiting for him outside.

“Hey, I’m Strings,” he said to his reflection in what he knew was his smoothest voice. “It’s me, _I’m_ Strings.”

Why did he pick such a stupid name? Scorpius was going to think he was an idiot.

“Been to the astronomy tower recently?” he asked his reflection.

Yes, that was far cooler.

Albus ran a hand through his hair and tried to give it that effortlessly messy look, but the hat he’d been wearing most of the night meant it just looked messy. He shrugged and left the bathroom, heart beating fast at the prospect of telling Scorpius who he was.

The seat they’d been sharing was empty so Albus scanned the room for Scorpius, but when he finally locked eyes on him, he looked a bit busy to discuss secret, anonymous letters with Albus. 

Scorpius was pressed up against the wall with his tongue down some girl’s throat, seeming to be enjoying himself thoroughly. The girl was dressed as a unicorn and she’d placed her sparkly horn on top of Scorpius’ angelically blonde hair, as if claiming him as her own. Albus’ cuckoo clock lay abandoned on its side a distance away from Scorpius’ feet and he picked it up sadly.

He felt his stomach drop. Stargazer wouldn’t do that, he’d got it wrong. Albus fell morosely back into the same seat as before, glaringly alone this time.

“Al! There you are!” Polly looked relieved as she sat down beside him. “This creepy boy from Ravenclaw won’t leave me alone,” she whispered.

Albus chuckled and pulled at the ends of Polly’s blonde hair. “Creepy Ravenclaw,” he repeated, happy to let the alcohol blur out his disappointment about Scorpius.

“Oh Merlin, Albus, how much have you had to drink?” Polly removed his hand from her hair.

“Hmm, too much,” he replied, ignoring the faint feeling of disappointment in his stomach.

“Come on, let’s get you to bed.” Polly stood up and took his hand, leading him towards the door and shushing him the moment they stepped outside.

The corridor was spinning and wavering before his very eyes and Albus laughed once more as he thought about how he’d once been an innocent first year roaming these same halls. This was such an interesting thought he had to tell Polly at once.

“Pol, isn’t it funny, how once we were little first years walking down this corridor to Charms, and now here we are years later, pissed out of our faces.” He leant his head atop hers and sighed. 

“Speak for yourself, Al. I’m very much _in_ my face.” Polly squeezed his shoulder. “And keep your voice down, I don’t want a detention.” 

“You _never_ get detention, Pol. You’re always so _good.”_

Polly shook her head and said nothing.

“Did you have fun tonight?” he asked her as they reached the quiet Gryffindor common room.

She shrugged and didn’t answer. “You need to drink some water.”

“I’m fine!” Albus insisted, but he was swaying on the spot and he could have sworn the pattern on the carpet was moving of its own accord.

“I’ll take you to bed, come on.” She led him to the stairs and Albus was suddenly very grateful for his best friend; he probably would have just curled up at the bottom of the stairs if he’d been on his own.

“You’re the best, Pol,” he tried to say sincerely as she pushed open the door to the seventh year boys’ dormitory.

She muttered something and gently pushed him down on top of his bed, crossing the room to his chest of drawers. Albus watched her from his position on the bed; she moved in a forced kind of way, as if she were exhausted.

“You don’t have to do that,” Albus protested as she found him pyjamas. “Come here, sit down.”

“Alright.” Polly returned with the pyjamas and sat beside him on the bed, summoning the glass on Albus’ bedside table, filling it with water from her wand and pressing it into Albus’ hands.

“Are you okay, Polly? Was that Ravenclaw boy really creepy?” Albus sipped the water and focused very hard on a point over Polly’s shoulder, willing the room to stop spinning. 

“It’s not that,” she muttered.

Albus crashed down on the bed, splashing a bit of water around and pulling Polly down with him. “What’s up?” he said as they lay side by side holding hands.

There was a long pause; Polly squeezed Albus’ hand and sighed. “Do you ever feel weird?”

“All the time,” Albus replied, turning to look at her; she was staring up at the ceiling.

“I always feel weird at parties and stuff like that. I felt a bit like I was watching everything from a distance, like there’s an invisible line and I have to cross it but I just can’t.”

Albus nodded. “I know that feeling.”

Polly turned to face him. “Didn’t seem like it tonight. You were playing drinking games and dancing and talking to everyone.” She looked back at the ceiling. “I just wish I could be one of those people who can take a few shots and snog the nearest person.”

“For the record, I didn’t snog anyone tonight,” Albus chuckled.

“I know,” Polly replied. “But I just can’t do that.”

“Why can’t you?" 

“I’m just,” she hesitated and adjusted her position on the bed, “not a casual person.”

Albus didn’t really have anything to say in response to that.

“Albus?” She turned to look at him again.

“Hmm?” He locked eyes with her.

“Have you ever been so into one person you can’t even think about anyone else?”

 _Yes, Stargazer,_ Albus responded in his head. “Not yet,” he said aloud.

“Oh.” Polly sat back up and hugged her knees. 

“Why, have you?” Albus pressed. Polly hadn’t dated anyone seriously before, in fact she barely talked about liking people.

She gave a very small nod. It was clear she didn’t want to tell Albus who it was she liked, and that was okay.

He sat up and placed his arm around her shoulders. “Anyone would be lucky to have you, Polly.”

“Drink your water, Albus.” She pointed to his half-empty glass, clearly not wanting to talk about it at all. He was doing a terrible job at best-friending, what else could he do?

“Do you want to sleep over, like in first year?” he offered, hoping she might just need a friend.

Polly shook her head and stood up. “No, I want to sleep in my own bed.”

“Okay. Goodnight, then. Thanks for looking after me.” He reached out to hug her and she fell into his arms for a second before pulling away.

“Goodnight, Albus.” She was gone from the room in a second.

Albus bit his lip. When Polly got like this, she liked to be by herself, but it didn’t stop him from feeling like he was being a bad friend by not staying with her. He thought about what she'd said while he changed into the pyjamas Polly had given him.

_Have you ever been so into one person you can’t even think about anyone else?_

Albus’ every waking thought was about Stargazer, and he didn’t even know what he looked like. For a while, he’d looked like Scorpius. But now the Stargazer in Albus’ mind went back to being a faceless entity, although he kept Scorpius’ gorgeous cheekbones.

Albus obediently sipped his water, but when he went to place it down on his bedside table, he noticed a letter addressed to Strings. He grinned and unfolded it.

_Strings,_

_I write like I’m tall? I’m wondering what you mean by that. I couldn’t tell you if you’re right even if I wanted to, because how tall is tall? But you told me one thing about yourself so I’ll give you something too. I have a name people like to shorten a lot, to the point where it’s rarer for anyone to use my full name. It’s a shame really, I quite like my name._  

_I’ll be looking out for anyone with dark hair and Sloan Collins body paint at the party tonight._

_Stargazer_

Albus couldn’t help feeling a slight sense of loss. Stargazer had been at the party and he’d spent almost his whole night with Scorpius. It had been fun, but Stargazer had been there somewhere and he’d barely even kept an eye out!

_Stargazer,_

_You write like you’re tall means you sound like one of those effortlessly cool people who have their shit together. Those people are always taller than me._

_Now I just feel even worse for calling you Starry G that time._

_I don’t know what to do, Star. (Is that okay?) One of my best friends likes someone and is coming to me for advice, but I’m so messed up here in my little gay mind that I don’t know how to help. I’m worried it’s making me a crap friend. Am I just being self-centred there?_

_The party was good, I thought. I had a great time, but it feels weird to me to know you were there too. I could have stood beside you tonight and neither of us would know. I hope, someday, we can reveal our identities to each other._

_Love, Strings_

The owl had taken to waiting on his window sill each night until he sent it off. Albus thought he might have to start tipping the owl for its trouble, as he tied the letter and sent the owl off. He always watched to see if it went in any particular direction but it never did. 

He curled up in bed and closed his eyes, thinking about how he was quite pleased with how he was coming across in these letters. He definitely couldn’t be this smooth or funny in person, Stargazer was getting the best of him. That had been a great letter, it wasn’t obvious he was drunk either. He’d started and ended it how he always did, _dear Stargazer, love, Strings._

Albus’ eyes snapped open and he sat bolt upright in bed, his eyes flickering to the window where the owl had just left.

 _Love._ He’d signed the letter off with _love._


	2. Strings

The next day, Albus had never been more thankful that weekend Quidditch training took place in the evening so he could sleep off the night before. Too much to drink and too many feelings for him to handle meant he found solace only in his pillow until gone midday. He surfaced to eat lunch and then lazed around the common room with his friends, laughing together about the Halloween party before those of them on the Quidditch team had to get ready and leave for their first training of the year.

“Alright, most of you know each other, but we’ll do some introductions anyway.” Rose addressed the circle sincerely. “I’m Rose Granger-Weasley, this is my fourth year on the team and I’m a Beater. Now you, Albus.”

“Hello, everyone,” Albus shrugged and grinned nervously around at them all. “I’m Albus Potter, been on the team three years, and I’m Keeper.” He turned to the next person in the circle, which happened to be Thea.

“I’m Thea Jordan, it’s my first year on the team and I’m a Chaser. Can’t wait to play with you guys.”

The next Chaser was Yann Fredericks from their year, and next was a new team member.

“Hello. I’m Matt Higgs. First time on the house team, I’m a Chaser too.”

Albus had seen Matt around the common room before, but they’d never really spoken. He had sandy coloured hair and a dazzling smile which he shyly displayed around the circle.

“My boy Matty made the team!” Yann clapped him on the back and ruffled his hair.

Rose’s voice cut across loudly. “Yes, thanks, Yann, we all know you’re thrilled your boyfriend made the team.”

Albus felt his eyebrows shoot up in surprise, and then immediately felt stupid when Yann made kissy faces over Matt’s shoulder. It was just a joke.

“Thanks, Matt.” Rose laughed as Matt pushed Yann off him so the introductions could continue.

Matt caught Albus’ eye and grimaced uncomfortably. His eyes were a deep brown and, as he pushed his hair back from them, Albus felt a warmth bloom in his chest.

_Matty. Matt._

_I have a name people like to shorten a lot, to the point where it’s rarer for anyone to use my full name. It’s a shame really, I quite like my name._

As the remaining members of the team said their names, Albus thought about Stargazer. What if he was Matt? He couldn’t think of a time when Matt had ever had a girlfriend, and he was clearly into Quidditch, like Stargazer.

“Okay, warm up laps. Follow me.” Rose kicked off and soared into the air on her broom. Albus was the last to follow because his mind was on ways to subtly ask Matt questions.

_Do you like Firewhiskeys?_

_How was the Yule Ball last year?_

None of them seemed particularly innocent to ask during a Quidditch game.

He tried not to watch Matt too much while they ran drills, partly because he didn’t much want a quaffle to the face. It was hard not to watch him though. How had he never noticed how attractive Matt was?

They took a short break and Albus panicked a bit when he saw Rose flying towards him with a determined look on her face. “Are you nervous because of the stuff I said? I’m not going to kick you off the team, Al.”

“What? No, I’m fine.” Albus forced a normal smile.

“Okay, well you seem a bit-“ she broke off and looked over to the stands behind Albus. “What the hell is he doing here?” Rose swooped away and Albus followed her path. Karl Jenkins was sat in the stands and when he noticed Rose approaching, he caught Albus’ eye and waved him over. Albus sighed and followed Rose.

“Karl, you’re not on the team anymore!” Rose landed in front of him and folded her arms.

“I need to stay here and watch,” Karl said defiantly before turning to look at Albus. “Isn’t that right, Al?”

Albus froze as Rose looked at him strangely. Karl wiggled his eyebrows meaningfully.

“That’s, er, right. Karl is,” he gritted his teeth and closed his eyes for a second in despair, “coaching me. He’s watching my flying and suggesting improvements.”

“Really?” Rose goggled at Albus in shock. “I could have helped you with that.” She sounded a bit hurt.

“It takes someone of my calibre watching from the outside to really make an improvement, Rose,” Karl explained in a patronising voice.

Rose narrowed her eyes. “Well, this is a closed training session. Team members only, sorry.”

Karl sat back in a relaxed sort of way and didn’t break eye contact with Rose. “Anything to say about that, Albus?”

Albus felt his cheeks heat up. He knew exactly what Karl was playing at, trying to find opportunities to flirt with Thea and blackmailing Albus into convincing Rose to let him stay. He thought about the whole school reading his letter to Stargazer and felt sick.

“Please can he stay, Rose? It’s important to me.”

Rose threw both hands up in defeat. “Fine! I’ve already wasted enough time on this. But you’re acting weird, Albus, and I just want you to know I’m not happy about this.”

“Good choice, Potter,” Karl smirked evilly after Rose had left. “Now if you’d be so kind as to recommend my coaching services to Thea too, we might be on the home straight.” He sniggered. “Well, _one_ of us will be straight.”

Albus mouthed words he’d like to say to Karl under his breath and clenched his fist in fury.

“Off you go, I’ll let you know how your flying is later.” Karl waved and sat back in his seat, as if this was the most relaxed he’d ever been.

It was virtually impossible to concentrate on catching the quaffle when Albus had Karl on one side of him, embarrassingly trying to catch Thea’s eye every time she flew by him, and Matt Higgs flying towards him constantly with his cute smile. The wind rushed through Matt’s hair and ruffled it attractively and Albus had to remind himself not to stare.

By the time Rose called the session to an end, Albus was more than ready for the solace of his bedroom but Karl had other ideas.

“So, Thea, I brought my broom,” he said loudly as the team touched down and scattered for the changing rooms. “Want to run some of those drills I was telling you about?”

Thea looked uncertainly in the direction Rose had left in. Albus knew she was thinking the same as he was: Rose wouldn’t be happy about that. It took one evil grin from Karl in Albus’ direction for him to step in.

“What a great idea, Karl!” he said in what he hoped was an enthusiastic voice. “You’ll need a Keeper to practise with, I can stay.”

Thea smiled in a nervous sort of way and Albus gave her a reassuring nod. “Okay, just for a bit though.”

Karl flicked his hair from his eyes and grinned triumphantly. He mounted his broom and kicked off dramatically, Thea followed more nervously and the second she’d left the ground Albus rolled his eyes so hard he got a headache at his temples. He sighed and muttered darkly to himself as he shot off to the goalposts.

By all accounts, Thea seemed to be enjoying herself running Karl’s drills. They stayed at the other end of the pitch most of the time and Albus hovered awkwardly, watching Thea seemingly genuinely laughing at something Karl said. It was starting to get dark when they all touched down, Karl looking very pleased with himself.

“Where did you learn to fly like that?” Karl looked genuinely impressed.

“My mum, I guess,” Thea shrugged and looked down. “She was on Miami Reign for five years.”

“I didn’t know that!” Albus blurted out.

“Yeah, that’s how her and my dad met. He was a commentator for the American League.”

Karl clutched at his heart dramatically. “How romantic, what a sweet way to fall in love!”

“Yeah well, they’re divorced now,” Thea said shortly, looking at her feet. “Sorry, I don’t know why I brought that up.”

Albus didn’t know what to say; he hadn’t known that Thea’s parents were divorced and suddenly he felt terrible that he’d never thought to ask.

“That must have been really tough for you,” Karl said, patting her shoulder.

“It was. It’s okay, I’m here now.” Thea smiled in what Albus could tell was a false way. “Best be leaving then, thanks for the drills, Karl. See you later.”

As she left, she mouthed _wait for me_ to Albus behind Karl’s back and he nodded subtly

“I am _so_ in there,” Karl muttered under his breath, making a big show of turning and waving to Thea but she wasn’t looking and had already disappeared into the girls’ changing rooms.

“That wasn’t completely terrible,” Albus admitted. “Well, goodnight, Karl.”

Albus gestured to his dirty Quidditch kit and headed towards the changing rooms, hoping Karl, who hadn’t really played much, would take the hint and leave for the castle.

“Sweet dreams,” he said with a stupid wave as he left looking annoyingly smug.

Albus changed quickly and found Thea waiting outside the changing rooms to walk back with him. He wondered, as they started the walk to the castle, if Matt Higgs might be writing a letter back to him that very moment. Stargazer would have read that he’d accidentally written _love_ by now.

Or was it an accident? Albus still wasn’t sure.

“I think I’m going to like this team,” Thea mused as they walked. “Rose seems like she’ll be a good captain.”

Albus nodded. “Yeah, she’s good. She cares a lot which shows.”

“It must have been fun growing up together and then being at school together.” There was a wistful edge to her voice.

“She’s one of my best friends,” Albus replied and there was a pause in which he decided to be brave. “Do you miss your friends from Ilvermorny?”

“I suppose I do. I had a lot of friends but never anyone I would consider a _best friend,_ you know? Without wanting to sound arrogant, I was sort of friends with everyone.”

“I can imagine that,” Albus smiled.

“It just means there aren’t any specific people who were _my friends._ I didn’t leave a gap when I left.” She spoke quietly but not as if she didn’t want to be heard.

Albus thought about how he would feel if Thea left and his reaction was so instinctive he knew he had to tell her straight away. “Thea, I’ve only known you a few months but I’d already miss you if you left Hogwarts. You’re one of my best friends too.”

Thea gave a small smile but her eyes lit up. “That means a lot to me, Albus. You and Rose and Polly have been so welcoming to me, I sometimes feel like I’ve always been part of your group.”

Albus wrapped an arm around her shoulder as they walked. “I don’t know how we survived without you for so long. You’re wonderful, Thea.”

“I’m serious. Moving over here after my parents got divorced was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do, but I’m glad it led me to you guys.”

“I can’t imagine how hard that must have been.” Albus squeezed her shoulder. “I hope you don’t think I don’t care, because I’ve never asked about why you moved here. I just figured it’s your business, but I do care, and I’m here to listen if you want to talk.”

She smiled weakly. “It’s alright. I’ve not really spoken about it much. My parents were in what I always thought was the perfect relationship, but things hadn’t been okay for a while and they hid it from me. They just fell out of love, I suppose, which is difficult to process. It makes me think they never were in love in the first place, which makes my whole childhood feel like a lie.”

“Don’t say that,” Albus said sharply. “Your childhood and your memories with your parents can still be as wonderful as you remember them. People _do_ fall out of love, it’s horrible, but it happens.”

“If it really was love, how can they just wake up one day and not feel it anymore? And if what they had wasn’t real love then what on earth is? Is love even real?”

“Come on, you can still believe in love!” Albus said encouragingly, trying to sound as sympathetic as he could.

“Maybe.” Thea sighed. “Have you ever been in love?”

Albus thought about Stargazer. Not about Matt’s smile which he’d just spent all of Quidditch practice lusting after, but of the words Stargazer used, the way he talked to Albus. He didn’t need to know what Stargazer looked like to know his feelings for the boy went deeper than anything he’d ever felt before.

“I think so,” he said cryptically as an idea formed. He wasn’t sure where it had come from, but it suddenly felt like the most right thing in the world after Thea had been so open with him.

“Thea?” he said in a quieter voice, slowing their pace down.

“Yeah?” Thea looked faintly confused.

“I’m gay.”

He kept walking, both of their footsteps echoing into the silence Albus’ words had created. Anyone watching from a distance would have thought Albus had just made a comment on the weather.

“Oh, okay.” Thea smiled and Albus suddenly felt like he owned too much limb, awkwardly detaching his arm from around Thea’s shoulders.

“Don’t tell anyone though, I’m not really ready for everyone to find out.” He folded his arms.

“No, of course I won’t!” Thea insisted. They continued walking together in a somewhat awkward silence.

“Are you surprised?” Albus couldn’t bear the silence any longer.

“No,” Thea was smiling to herself.

“So you knew?” he asked in a bit of a panic, unfolding his arms.

“No,” she said quickly.

“But you’re not surprised,” Albus was just confused now.

“Do you want me to be surprised?” Thea said gently.

“I don’t know, I’m not very good at this.” Albus smiled and once he did, he couldn’t stop.

“Okay. Well, I love you,” Thea put her arm around him again and started walking towards the castle.

“Love you too,” Albus said, grinning to himself before letting out a huge breath he hadn’t realised he was holding.

* * *

_Strings,_

_If I didn’t know better, I’d say you’d had one too many before you wrote that last letter. Not that I can talk, I was in no fit state to write to you after that party. Wasn’t it fun though? I had one of the best nights I’ve had in a while! It does feel strange to know you were there too, and we might have even spoken. Just knowing you were there gave me butterflies all night, Strings._

_The fact that you care enough to have even recognised that means you aren’t a crap friend. Just be there for him or her, they’ll appreciate it. I appreciate you._

_Love, Stargazer_

* * *

_S_ _targazer,_

_I came out to one of my best friends tonight. It was scary but not as terrifying as I thought it would be and it actually felt really good to get it out like that. It’s made me wonder if I’m getting closer to being ready to be out. If I could repeat that conversation with my parents or my other best friends then it wouldn’t be too bad._

_I don’t think I could ever have done that without you, Star. I know you didn’t tell me to do it, but just knowing I have you to talk to really gave me courage tonight. Thank you._

_It made me think about us telling each other who we are. You already know my biggest secret, and so much more about me. Maybe it’s time to take the next step._

_Love, Strings_

* * *

“Do many people stay at Hogwarts for the holidays? It was about fifty fifty at Ilvermorny.” Thea sipped a butterbeer as they all chatted at their usual table in The Three Broomsticks.

“I’m staying,” Polly put in. “Both my sisters and me decided not to join our parents in Barbados. A hot and sunny Christmas just feels _wrong.”_

“Ooh I’d love to go to Barbados!” Thea replied and Albus tuned out a bit; he could have sworn Matt Higgs just walked in.

“I’m staying here for Christmas if that persuades you at all,” Karl, who had tagged along to Hogsmeade without an invitation, winked at Thea.

“No, I’m definitely going home. I was just wondering.” She smiled politely.

“I’m going home too,” Scorpius smiled. “I think all of our dorm are. Is that right, Cole?”

Cole nodded. “Yep. I always go home for Christmas. My parents have a cabin in the French Alps and we spend Christmas Eve through to New Year’s there.”

“Have you learned any French this year?” Scorpius teased then addressed the whole group. “Last year, he wrote to me and asked for some French lessons via owl so he could impress the girl in the chalet next door.”

“And did you impress her?” Polly asked with a smirk as Albus repositioned himself so Matt was in his eyeline as he stood at the bar.

“No, my bloody owl got lost in the snow bringing his reply back.” Cole scowled at the memory.

“She turned up back at my door so I could nurse her back to health,” Scorpius added. “Meanwhile, the French girl got _very well_ acquainted with - if I remember rightly - a _stupid Swiss boy with a stupid moustache._ ”

“It _was_ a stupid moustache,” Cole protested as everyone laughed and Albus’ heart rate increased a bit; Matt had ordered his drink and was walking in his direction.

“Only because you can’t grow one,” Scorpius countered.

Matt was getting closer.

“Says you, Blondie!” Cole ruffled up Scorpius’ hair.

Matt brushed right past their table and smiled a bit in Albus’ direction.

“How about you, Albus?” Thea cut across the conversation and Albus started, realising he may have been staring. “What are your Christmas plans?”

Rose snorted. “Our Grandma Molly would be highly offended if any of us stayed at school for Christmas.”

Albus nodded quickly. “Rose is right, we always spend Christmas at The Burrow, I can’t imagine doing anything else.”

“Our Uncle Charlie organises this amazing scavenger hunt every year with everyone’s presents at the end of a trail of clues.”

“My mum almost got into a duel with Rose’s dad last year over who found the clue first,” Albus shared to laughter.

He glanced around quickly while Rose insisted her dad would have won the duel, but Matt was nowhere to be seen.

* * *

 

_Strings,_

_Congratulations, I’m proud of you for doing that. It sounds like it felt good! You’ve got me thinking about coming out to my best friend now. I’ve always known he would be the first person I’d tell, I just didn’t know when. Maybe soon._

_As for us revealing our identities to each other, I’m sorry, Strings, but I’m just not ready to do that. I love what we have, can we keep it this way a bit longer? I’m sorry._

_Love, Stargazer_

* * *

 

“Albus, is it really helping you having _Karl_ work on flying technique with you?” Rose dropped down into the seat opposite him in the common room and sighed moodily.

Albus didn’t say anything and muttered something non-committal.

“I don’t know why you didn’t just ask me for help!” she sighed, sounding a bit hurt. “We’re best friends.”

“Of course we are, Rosie!” Albus hurriedly grappled for an explanation. “I wanted someone unbiased who, er, won’t be afraid to be so honest it hurts my feelings.”

Rose eyed him strangely. “Al, you _know_ I wouldn’t worry about being nice.” She threw a dark look over at Karl, who was balancing his wand on his nose and making Thea laugh. “Why is Karl always hanging around us now anyway? And since when did Thea find him so funny?”

Albus watched Rose and he thought he knew what was going on. Rose was clearly jealous that Thea might be about to get a boyfriend, maybe she was worried about losing her friend? Or insecure that she didn’t have a boy flirting with her like Karl was with Thea? In fact, it must have been hard for Rose this year with Thea arriving and taking pretty much everyone’s attention. Rose was used to being popular and in demand in every way.

“I think they’re dating, or they will be soon,” Albus said. “Isn’t that good though, if she has a boyfriend?”

Surely Thea being off the market would alleviate any feelings of jealousy Rose might have had in that sense.

Rose shrugged. “I suppose so.”

Albus didn’t know why Rose was worried; plenty of boys at school liked her. Maybe she just needed some help to notice it.

“Speaking of boyfriends,” he said slyly, “I’ve heard Scorpius Malfoy is single.”

Rose snapped her head around and goggled at Albus. “Al, what the fuck? Scorpius has been single for ages, what are you talking about?”

“Why don’t you ask him out? This is 2023, you don’t have to wait around.”

“I’m not _waiting around_ for Scorpius Malfoy to ask me out. I don’t fancy him, why did you think that?” She was getting increasingly annoyed.

“No reason, just he’s single and so are you, you already know each other.”

“And that’s the only criteria necessary? I don’t like Scorpius like that, and anyway it would be _weird._ He’s Head Boy and I’m Head Girl. _No,_ Albus.”

“Okay, just a suggestion. My grandparents were Head Boy and Girl together, it’s age old.”

Rose shook her head vigorously. “I’m going to be thinking about the next time I see him now. Thanks a lot, Albus!”

Albus just laughed. “You’re welcome. Think about it.”

“Why are you being so weird at the moment?” She eyed him suspiciously then suddenly looked shrewd. “You like someone, don’t you?”

Albus felt panic rise in him and tried to act as casual as can be. “Me? No, I don’t like anyone.”

“Who is it? Anyone I know?” Rose didn’t take her eyes off him like she was looking for clues.

“No, it’s nobody. No one.”

“Come on, Albus,” she wheedled. “I’ll be your best friend. Please tell me.”

Albus cast around for some random girl’s name that he could fob Rose off with and not create any repercussions when she inevitably decided to meddle.

“It’s not Polly, is it?” Rose said quietly.

“No! Of course it’s not Polly, she’s my best friend.” He tried to convey this in the most genuine way possible, which shouldn’t have been hard because he _was_ being genuine.

Rose seemed convinced. “Just checking. Is it someone you shouldn’t like for whatever reason? Someone who’s already with somebody?”

Albus just shook his head and desperately tried to think of a way to get off this topic.

“Is it a _teacher?”_ Rose looked triumphant. “I’m right, aren’t I?”

She was staring intently, waiting for him to respond in that annoyingly persistent way of hers.

“It’s Professor Jacobs!” Albus blurted out from nowhere.

Rose’s jaw dropped and then she looked sympathetic. “Oh, Al. Your first crush on a teacher, bless you.” She patted the top of his knee. “I don’t blame you, I remember how much I used to fancy my Ancient Runes teacher.”

Albus didn’t even know who the Ancient Runes teacher was and he was very keen for this conversation to end. He smiled sheepishly.

“Yeah, big crush on her. But she’s a teacher so,” he shrugged, “never going to happen, ah well.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone,” Rose grinned and Albus internally high-fived himself for successfully lying to her, something he’d realised at the age of five he’d never be able to do.

* * *

 

_Stargazer,_

_Do what feels right for you, I don’t regret telling my best friend, in fact it feels good!_

_That’s okay, I understand, I’m still scared too. I agree that what we have is perfect and I don’t want to rush into anything. Sometimes I worry that if you knew who I was, you wouldn’t like me anymore. Sorry, I’m a worrier like that._

_Good luck if you’re playing in the Quidditch game, or happy spectating if you’re watching, or just happy Saturday if you’re not at the Quidditch in any way._

_Love, Strings_

* * *

The Gryffindor Ravenclaw Quidditch game kicked off the season well when Gryffindor won by eighty points. Albus had given himself strict instructions to focus only on the quaffle and the Ravenclaw Chasers and _not_ on one particular Gryffindor teammate who he couldn’t stop thinking about. When their team won and they all embraced in a group hug on the ground, Albus ended up next to Matt. He felt himself blush as they untangled their limbs from each other.

“Alright, team, get showered and then let’s celebrate! I love you all so much, thank you!” Rose was ecstatic at their first win.

Albus was feeling high on life as he showered and changed. The after party in the common room would be the perfect time to talk to Matt more.

After he showered, the team gathered by the broomshed. Rose, who still hadn’t taken off her Quidditch gear, was beaming from ear to ear as she thanked them all again and told them her instructions as their captain were to have the most fun at the after party.

“You were such a star!” Thea ruffled Albus’ freshly showered hair and he threw his arms around her neck.

“Nothing compared to you! That last goal, the poor Keeper!”

Thea pulled a face. “Awkward, I sit next to him in Transfiguration.”

“Party in the common room!” Matt interrupted their conversation and waved, shooting Albus a quick smile; he felt his insides clench.

As Matt moved away, Thea looked between his retreating figure and Albus’ reddening face.

“Do you like him?” she asked in a low voice.

“What? No,” Albus said hurriedly. “Maybe a bit.”

It was too much to go into the whole ‘he very possibly might be the boy I anonymously pour my heart out to every night’ and that felt safer.

“You should talk to him!” Thea insisted.

“Nah, I bet he’s not…”

“Worth investigating, he’s cute,” Thea went to leave. “See you at the party.”

Albus stared at the floor and concentrated very hard on thinking about cold things in an attempt to stop his face from burning when he imagined talking to Matt. Maybe the common room party would be the perfect setting to drop in a few conversation points and find out if he really was Stargazer. He wouldn’t drink much, not like the Halloween party, so he could give the situation his full attention.

Confident he wasn’t still the colour of a quaffle, Albus started to head back to the castle.

“Hey, Al!” It was Matt’s voice.

Albus stopped walking and turned around, slowing his pace and allowing Matt to catch up with him. He had a grin on his face and Albus felt his heart rate increase just a bit.

“Matt.” He smiled and then with a burst of courage, “Matthew.”

Maybe he picked up on Albus’ meaningful look because he beckoned for him to come closer. Was he about to find out that Matt was actually Stargazer?

“I wanted to ask you something, and I hope this doesn’t sound weird or creepy.”

“Go ahead.” Albus felt his heartbeat in his ears; this was it!

“Well, it’s just, don’t take this the wrong way, but are you…”

_Are you Strings? Are you the boy I’ve been talking non stop to for two months now?_

“Yes,” Albus breathed before he could stop himself.

Matt raised his eyebrows in question. “Oh. You knew what I was going to ask.”

His tone didn’t seem to match the moment.

“What… er, what were you going to ask?”

“Are you and Polly Chapman, like, a _thing?”_

Albus stared at him for a second. _That_ was his question? Maybe he was worried _he’d_ got it wrong and was trying to work out if Albus was Strings.

“No! We’re just best friends, I don’t see her like that,” he said, very meaningfully.

“Damn, really? She’s gorgeous. How’d you survive that one?” He grinned jovially and nudged Albus’ shoulder.

“Every day’s a struggle,” Albus replied in a deadpan voice.

“Do you know if she’s seeing anyone? It’s just, I was thinking of asking her out but I don’t want to step on anyone’s toes and end up in _Hogossip.”_

Albus cleared his throat awkwardly. “Oh, er, no. I’m sure Polly isn’t seeing anyone at the moment.”

“Great! I’ll do that then, thanks, Al!”

“Oh! But she likes someone, I don’t know who. She wouldn’t tell me, but she likes someone.” Maybe he shouldn’t have mentioned it, he was flustered and wrongfooted by the question.

“Should I not bother then?” Matt looked confused.

“Er, forget I said anything. Yes you should bother.”

Matt smiled. “Great, thanks.”

“You’re welcome,” Albus said weakly to his retreating figure.

All the way back to the common room, Albus felt a sense of disappointment and excitement simultaneously. He was just becoming adjusted to the idea that Matt might be Stargazer when it was ripped away like that, hence the disappointment. But the mystery of who Stargazer was intrigued him, and he realised that perhaps he wasn’t ready to know who it was yet. It was quite nice to have a secret so special.

* * *

 

Rose handed him a suspiciously coloured bottle of butterbeer; it was almost definitely spiked with firewhiskey. Albus smiled in thanks but only took the tiniest sip. He didn’t feel like being too out of control tonight.

As the winning team, Gryffindor was guaranteed to have a better party than Ravenclaw and for that reason, members of other houses had managed to sneak in too. The common room was more packed than Albus had ever seen it and it was only because of Rose’s status as the captain of the team who had just won that they’d managed to get anywhere to sit.

“Did you talk to…” Thea made a meaningful gesture with her eyes; Matt actually wasn’t sat too far away.

Albus hesitated. “Oh, er, yeah. No. Not, er, not what we talked about.”

“Oh,” Thea pulled a disappointed face. “Never mind. Is there anyone else?” She scanned around the faces nearest to them, most of which were seventh years from other houses.

“Not… not really.” Albus tried to shut the conversation down.

“Okay, well you never know,” she winked. “Oh, he’s coming over!”

Matt was indeed coming in their direction, but he chose a seat next to Polly and started chatting to her. She looked fairly uninterested but was polite enough to talk to him.

“I’m getting another drink, want one?” Thea offered, standing up.

Albus shook his head and pointed to his full bottle of butterbeer.

“No Quiddrink tonight then,” Thea smirked as she left. Albus felt understandably a lot closer to her since his coming out and he was really glad he’d done it.

Polly had already shaken Matt off and she came and sat in Thea’s vacated seat. “Matt Higgs just asked me out.” She sounded a bit shellshocked.

“Really?” Albus pretended to be surprised. “What did you say?”

“I didn’t really give him an answer. Do you think I should go out with him?”

“Definitely!” Albus insisted. “He’s really cool and I think you’d make a cute couple.”

Polly nodded stiffly. “Right, okay, I’ll do it then!” She smiled determinedly. “Thanks, Al.”

“Er, you’re welcome,” Albus smiled as she left.

Before he’d even had a chance to process that conversation, the empty seat was filled again, this time by Karl.

“Saw you talking to Thea,” he said accusingly. “If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were trying to steal my girl.” He looked smug.

“She’s not your girl, Karl.” Albus felt more annoyed than usual to hear Karl talk about Thea like that.

“No thanks to you,” Karl spat. “You’re supposed to be helping.”

“I’m trying!” Albus said through gritted teeth.

“Anyway, I’ve worked out my next move.” He was suddenly excited again. “I’m going to-“

“I don’t need a breakdown, Karl. I don’t care what your next move is.” He got up to leave.

“But I want to run this by you and-“

“Whatever, Karl.” The disappointment of finding out Matt wasn’t Stargazer was making Albus irritable.

“So you’re saying I should do it?” he pressed.

Albus walked backwards from Karl and held his hands up dramatically. “Yeah, Karl, go big or go home. I’m getting another drink.”

His first bottle was still full but Albus didn’t care. He shook his head in agitation before realising that made him look a bit mental as he walked to the drinks table.

“Aw, no hat I can steal tonight!” Scorpius Malfoy was mixing a drink and he greeted Albus by ruffling his hair.

“Nope, sorry.” Albus felt unreasonably annoyed at Scorpius both for not being Stargazer and also for being annoyingly not-gay. It wasn’t fair that someone with eyes that pretty would be wasted on girls. Or people who weren't him.

“You were great in the game,” Scorpius continued, oblivious to Albus’ annoyance. He finished making his drink and held it out to Albus. “Here, try this.”

“Are you trying to get me drunk again?” Albus couldn’t help flirting just a little bit as he gazed into Scorpius’ eyes and accepted the cup. It was harmless, Scorpius wouldn’t even notice. “And thank you, it was definitely one of my better games.”

“Keep that, I’ll make another. You got _yourself_ that drunk at Halloween,” Scorpius poked him lightly in the chest. “You and your little cuckoo bird popping out.”

“Sounds a bit wrong out of context,” Albus smirked and Scorpius laughed and pressed his palm to his face.

“I have a knack for doing that without meaning to. My dorm mates have a chart running, you have to tell Cole about that.”

“My brother would have a _field day_ with you. He manages to turn anything anyone says into an innuendo, even our grandma, and then nobody knows where to look.”

Scorpius snorted and finished making his drink. He raised it to clink against Albus’ cup. “To dodgy innuendos.”

“And cuckoo birds.”

They shared a smile and drank simultaneously. Even though he knew Scorpius was straight, it was okay to admire his jawline, wasn’t it? Just like he could think Polly had pretty hair without having a crush on her. Totally okay.

“We should…” Scorpius gestured in the direction of where Albus had come from, where their friends were all sitting. He jumped and nodded, following Scorpius and then separating into their original seats when they reached the seventh years.

Polly reached for Albus’ cup, sniffed its contents and raised her eyebrows. He thought she was about to lecture him, but instead she raised the cup to her lips. “Can we share?”

With a shrewd suspicion that Polly had yet to speak to Matt again, Albus nodded and gently pushed the cup towards her. “Have it, I only accepted to be polite. I’m not really drinking.”

Polly shrugged and took a sip, shuddering a bit as she swallowed; apparently Scorpius made drinks on the stronger side.

“Attention, friends!” Albus’ attention was indeed drawn by the dulcet tones of Karl Jenkins who, as usual, was sitting with them all and attaching himself to Thea. Barely anybody stopped their conversation to give Karl attention and he scowled. “ _Sonorus_ ,” Karl pointed his wand at his throat and made a big show of clambering up on top of the table. “Attention everyone!”

His magically amplified voice boomed through the common room and drew everyone’s attention to him, but most people looked fairly annoyed at being interrupted. Albus slid down in his chair and tried to hide behind Rose’s shoulder; he couldn’t handle the second-hand embarrassment from whatever Karl was about to do.

“Listen up, people!” Karl called at the top of his lungs and he made an obnoxious gesture for somebody to turn the music down. With what felt like a collective groan, the partygoers gave Karl their attention.

“What are you doing, mate?” Cole hissed at him with a strange look.

“As most of you may have noticed, we have a new face in our house this year, and without her, today’s game would have been a travesty!”

Karl paused for effect. Albus felt his heart stop and he looked over at Thea in a panic; she was frowning.

“What’s he doing?” Thea hissed to Albus who pretended to be clueless.

“But it’s not just the Ravenclaw Keeper you’ve beaten, Thea.” Karl now addressed her directly but with his voice still amplified for the whole room to hear. “You’ve well and truly won my heart.”

“Nope, too sappy, I’m _out.”_ Rose sat back with a sulky expression.

“It may have only been three months we’ve known each other, but that’s eighty-three days, or one thousand nine hundred and ninety two hours.” He pretended to glance at his watch and Albus wanted the ground to swallow him up. “Make that, one thousand nine hundred and ninety two hours and one minute.”

Karl glanced around as if expecting a laugh at that, but nobody did. There were just a few uncomfortable looks exchanged.

“So I’m here, in front of all our peers,” he gestured around with a clutch at his heart, as if this were the most selfless act imaginable, “to ask if you would do me the honour of going out with me.”

Karl extended a hand in her direction and blinked expectantly.

Albus wanted to die right there on the spot. Nothing about this situation was okay and he knew deep down that it was all his fault. Thea didn’t look at anybody else and took a few steps toward Karl, beckoning him closer to her. Karl grinned to himself, evidently thinking she might be about to kiss him, and he hopped down from the table.

“Karl, I’m very flattered.” Thea spoke quietly, and Albus could only hear because he was feet away. “But I’m not interested in you that way, I’m sorry. Maybe we can still be friends?”

Karl blinked at her for a second and then his entire body slumped in disappointment. He glanced at Albus for just a second, almost expressionless, and Albus just shrugged helplessly.

“Bad luck, Jenkins!” a sixth year jeered to choruses of cruel laughter as Karl ran from the common room towards the portrait hole.

“Wow,” Cole watched him leave and turned back to the group with a low whistle. The party picked back up as if there had been no interruption and Thea sat back down looking a bit shellshocked.

“Was that _real?”_ Rose snorted.

“Don’t! Don’t make fun of him.” Thea waved her hands in agitation. “That was terrible.”

“Very dramatic,” Scorpius added, smirking.

“Don’t worry, people will get over it in a few weeks when the next big _thing_ happens,” Polly rolled her eyes.

“I really hope so,” Albus muttered to himself, unable to stop looking at how crushed Thea looked and thinking about how it was all his fault.

* * *

 

_Strings,_

_Thank you for understanding. The last thing I would want is for you to think I don’t enjoy what we already have. It’s because I like this SO much that I’m scared to lose it._

_Okay now I’m a worrier, but this isn’t something you need to worry about. I already know who you are. I may not know your name or what you look like but I know you, Strings. And I really really like what I know, in fact I love it._

_I’m going to come out to my best friend tonight, after the Quidditch game. I won’t tell you the capacity in which I’m involved in the game, just like you didn’t tell me, because that’s us. But I’ll be there in some way and no doubt by the time you’re reading this, I will have already done it. I know for a fact he’ll be supportive, but I’m still nervous. Is that normal?_

_Love you_

_Stargazer_

* * *

_Dear Stargazer,_

_I see your point, I would hate to lose what we have too. Talking to you makes me feel like the world makes a bit more sense, because feeling this good can’t possibly be a bad thing, can it?_

_That’s beautiful. I love the way you put words together. I feel the same way, we don’t have to know what the other looks like to have a connection._

_How did coming out to your best friend go? Well, I hope. It’s definitely normal to have felt nervous. For me it was a bit of a spontaneous decision so I barely had time to feel nervous. I know if I’d tried to plan in advance I wouldn’t have gone through with it! So well done to you._

_Can we still talk over the Christmas holidays? I won’t be at school anymore, I don’t know if you will, but I’d still like to write, if you would?_

_Merry Christmas_

_Love, Strings_

* * *

 

_Hogossip! Fresh from the cauldron!_

_This one’s barely even worth reporting on, it was hardly kept hushed up was it ;) but I wouldn’t be doing my job if I didn’t deliver on the exciting goings on of our school!_

_The Gryffindor’s victory party was momentarily interrupted by a Hogossip newcomer: Karl Jenkins. Anyone who follows the house teams will know Karl is becoming accustomed to rejection after Rose Granger-Weasley axed him from the team this year. This trend continued when Karl felt confident enough to ask Thea Jordan out in front of everyone. I know I wasn’t the only one feeling the second hand embarrassment when she of course REJECTED him. Better luck next time, Karl!_

_We here at Hogossip aspire to kindness so I hope you’ll join me in wishing Karl all the best with whoever he sets his heart on next._

_With only one week to go until the Christmas holidays, make sure to get any last minute gossip in! I’ll be here for the holidays, so send an owl or pass a note to Melissa Lockhart @ Hogossip._

* * *

 

Albus was alone in the dormitory throwing various items into his trunk in preparation for the Christmas holidays which started that day. He aimed two pairs of socks across the room and sighed as one bounced off the edge of his trunk and hit the floor. An owl tapped on the window and Albus crossed the room to let it in.

It circled his bed and dropped an envelope atop his pillow. Albus felt his expression lift as the familiar writing on the outside flashed across the room and he was there in a second, unfolding the envelope and removing the letter.

_Dear Strings,_

_Merry Christmas to you too! Although I should be saying Joyeux Noël, I’m actually spending Christmas in France this year with my parents. I don’t know how much I’ll be able to write, our cabin is a bit secluded. I’ll try my best but don’t expect any owls until we’re back at school. I’m sorry, Strings. I’ll really miss your words._

_I actually couldn’t follow through with it, I completely chickened out of telling him. But you’ve inspired me to be brave, I’m going to come out to my parents over the holidays. I am._

_Wish me luck_

_Love, Stargazer_

He read it again, his heart fluttering at the phrase _you’ve inspired me_ and then stopping at the word _cabin._ Stargazer was spending Christmas at a French cabin? His mind flicked back to the conversation he’d had with his friends about the Christmas holidays, specifically what Cole Flint had said.

_My parents have a cabin in the French Alps and we spend Christmas Eve through to New Year’s there._

Could Stargazer be _Cole?_

Cole Flint was one of the nicest people Albus knew, always joking around and laughing with everyone he spoke to. He made those around him feel relaxed and he was very easy to talk to, very friendly and caring. Albus wracked his brains for any recent information he knew about Cole’s dating history; as far as he knew, he hadn’t had a long term girlfriend. He was always cracking innuendos but now Albus thought about it, they were just as frequently about boys as they were about girls.

The idea of Stargazer being Cole occupied his mind for the entire time he finished packing his trunk and he only just made it in time to say goodbye to Polly and give her her Christmas present before boarding the train with Rose, Thea, Scorpius and Cole.

Albus watched Cole gesture emphatically as he told a story about an escaped niffler. His light brown hair was wavy and his blue eyes stood out on his lightly freckled face. Albus concentrated very hard on picking up any _vibes_ Cole was giving off, but if he was, Albus couldn’t feel them.

A pair of fifth years ran past their compartment, laughing loudly.

“That’s why I’m here, in front of all our friends!” one of the boys stuttered out through laughter, imitating Karl.

“Re-ject-ed!” the other boy yelled and they both roared with laughter.

“What was he thinking? She’s way too hot for him,” the first boy’s voice rang clear as a bell as they continued on down the train.

There was an uncomfortable pause in their compartment.

“People are still on that, then,” Rose broke the silence with a forced laugh. Thea didn’t join in.

“I tried to talk to him this morning, said have a good Christmas and stuff. He looked pretty miserable.” Thea sighed.

“Don’t beat yourself up, Thea. You didn’t do anything wrong.” Cole reached out to gently touch her shoulder. “He’ll get over it.”

Albus felt guilt and shame course through him and he opened his bag, retrieving a spare bit of parchment and self-inking quill. Nothing annoyed Albus more than faffing about with ink bottles. He penned a quick note, not drawing too much attention to himself.

_Karl,_

_I just wanted to check you’re okay. I haven’t really seen you around to say this in person. I’m sorry about what’s happened. People will have forgotten about it by the time we get back to school I’m sure._

_Have a good Christmas!_

_Albus_

“Polly,” Albus said in response to the questioning look Scorpius was giving him as he let his owl out of its cage to deliver the letter. They were only an hour or so from school, it wouldn’t take long to get to Karl.

“Oh.” Scorpius nodded in understanding then he furrowed his brow. “Are you and her, like, a _thing?”_

Albus laughed, used to this question. “No, we’re just best friends. She’s great, but not like that.” _Because I’m gayer than a unicorn dancing on a rainbow._

“Why, Scorp, do you like her?” Rose had been listening to their conversation and she wiggled her eyebrows at Scorpius before throwing a look at Albus. “Because she’s going on a date with Matt Higgs.”

“No, that’s not what I meant. It was just a question.” Scorpius turned a bit red.

“So you _don’t_ like Polly? Why not? What has she ever done to you?” Rose clutched a hand to her heart dramatically.

Scorpius looked flustered. “I didn’t mean that! She’s very nice, I like her. But I don’t _like_ her, oh please forget I said anything, I-“

“Scorpius,” Albus cut him off. “She’s teasing you.”

Rose shrugged and momentarily placed her head on Scorpius’ shoulder. “You make it so easy.”

He looked wide-eyed and bewildered, and annoyingly attractive in doing so. His blonde hair was effortlessly falling into his eyes where it had grown out over the term and Albus had such an urge to brush it back he had to sit on his hand.

“Rosie, we have to patrol,” Scorpius said quietly, checking his watch and looking like a kicked puppy.

“Don’t do that look, I’m sorry, please don’t do that.” Rose rolled her eyes and accepted the hand he held out. He pulled her to her feet and they left the compartment. Albus watched them and then noticed the meaningful look Cole was giving Thea.

“Is _that_ a thing?” he said loudly, feeling very pleased with himself for picking up on their flirting; he was usually the last to notice stuff like that. Both Cole and Thea snorted with laughter, although Albus didn’t know why.

“Young grasshopper, you have much to learn.” Cole patted him on the head.

“What? What’s going on?” Albus looked between the two of them.

“It’s not a thing,” Thea smiled. “They aren’t flirting.”

Albus shrugged. It had looked like flirting to him, but what did he know?

The rest of the train ride passed in a blur of laughter and eating too many sweets. Albus ended up sat beside Cole for almost the whole journey and he started deliberately letting his hand brush Cole’s, just a few times, to see what it felt like. Cole didn’t pull away and he must have noticed? Albus felt almost certain he was Stargazer. It would make sense that someone so confident was covering up an insecurity, wouldn’t it?

They pulled into King’s Cross and Albus shouldered his guitar case and stepped off the train, following Rose’s confident lead down the platform where both their dads were waiting, Lily and Rose’s younger brother Hugo already standing with them.

“How about a gingerbread _castle?”_ Lily was suggesting as they reached each other.

“Ask my kitchen apprentice,” his dad laughed and reached around Lily to pull Albus into a hug. He took his trunk from him and levitated it onto a trolley beside Lily’s. “Welcome home, Al.”

“Hi, Dad.” Albus adjusted the guitar case on his back somewhat awkwardly; he didn’t usually bring it home for the holidays. “Hello, Uncle Ron.”

“Do you want me to take that too?” His dad reached his hand out for the guitar case too and everyone stared at it.

“No, I’ve got it, thanks.” Albus rubbed the back of his neck. “Where’s Mum?”

“At work, covering some breaking news.” Harry started to push their luggage trolley towards the exit. “The Appleby Arrows are making some mid season substitutes after the last game. Your mum’s got an exclusive interview with Lightburn.” He lowered his voice and leaned towards Albus. “He’s been fired.”

“No way!” Albus felt his eyebrows shoot up at this news. Lightburn was considered the best player on the Arrows.

“See you on Christmas Eve, Potters!” Uncle Ron waved as they parted ways with the Granger-Weasleys.

“Bye, Al.” Rose gave him a quick hug.

“Dad, I’ve got really good at doing Wronski feints! Can I show you when we get home? Can I?” Lily clamoured as they reached the car.

Harry looked straight at Albus. “What do you think, Al? Fancy a fly? I’ve taken the whole day off work.”

Albus wasn’t sure why he was apparently the one to decide, but he hardly ever got the chance to fly with his dad anymore. “Yeah, I’d love a fly.”

With their luggage loaded into the back of the car, Lily climbed into the back seat and plugged her earphones in straight away. His dad gestured to the front passenger seat and Albus climbed in. He fiddled with the radio as his dad navigated the train station car park and got onto the road.

“I notice you brought your guitar home,” Harry commented as they weaved through traffic and towards the motorway. It was almost a completely normal muggle car, but the traffic-repelling charms made journeys so much easier.

“Yeah,” Albus replied noncommittally. “For practice.”

“Are you going to enter the talent show this year?”

Albus snapped his head across at his dad in surprise; he didn’t take his eyes off the road but Albus could see a bit of a twinkle in his eye.

“Maybe,” Albus muttered. “That wasn’t what I meant.”

“Sorry. You said practice, I assumed that’s what you were going to practise for.”

“No, just, er, general practice. I want to get better.” Albus took a deep breath and swallowed. “I want to get good enough to go for it next year.”

He watched his dad’s eyebrows raise slightly. “Oh. I thought you wanted to get your potioneer’s licence.”

Albus shook his head, feeling his voice shake. “Maybe one day, but I want to do this first.”

“How long has this been your plan?” his dad said quietly.

“I’m not sure it counts as a plan yet, Dad. I just worked out it’s what I want to do over the summer, been thinking about it a bit more since then.”

Harry sighed. “You could have told me sooner, you know.”

“Sorry. Are you disappointed?”

“No! No, Albus. I’m not disappointed at all, I just want you to feel like you can come to me with things like this. You know me and your mum will support you in whatever you choose to do. It’s not as clear cut of a path as potioneering, but you should follow your dream. You haven’t let me hear you play in such a long time, what sort of stuff are you doing these days?”

Albus felt a small smile spread across his face. “Actually, I’ve been writing a lot of my own stuff. It’s coming out a bit like acoustic _Firewhiskeys_ I think. I’d like you to hear some, if you want.”

Harry took his eyes off the road and smiled genuinely at Albus. “Nothing would make me happier.”

“Great. Thanks, Dad.”

“I mean it,” his dad looked away again as he took the junction to leave the motorway. “Nothing in this world makes me happier than knowing _you’re_ happy. All three of you, I’ll love and support you no matter what.”

Albus stupidly started to feel a lump in his throat, which was ridiculous because he knew his dad loved him and wanted him to he happy no matter what. He wouldn’t have any ill feelings towards him being gay. But what if he was hurt Albus had kept it to himself for so much longer than his guitar dreams? He’d been keeping this secret for _years._

“Want to try some driving now we’re off the motorway?” Harry spoke into the quiet of the car, pulling over to one side of the quieter Hampshire road.

Albus grinned at him. “Do you trust me after last time?”

Over the summer, Harry had given Albus some driving lessons and there had been a particularly memorable incident when he’d pressed the accelerator instead of the brake and sent them shooting forwards and only narrowly missing a field of sheep thanks to some quick spellwork from his dad. James still laughed about _those poor lambs_ now.

They swapped places and Albus adjusted the seat to fit him better. Harry talked him through starting the car up and he pulled away cautiously, keeping both hands locked on the wheel. Lily had fallen asleep in the back of the car and Albus tried to drive as smoothly as he could so as not to wake her up. There wasn’t much more opportunity to talk about Albus’ career plans as Harry talked him through each roundabout they reached until they eventually pulled into the driveway of the Potters’ house **.**

“Very nice, Al!” His mum was in the doorway and she came running forward and opened the car door, pulling Albus into a warm hug. Nothing was more comforting than a hug from his mum, especially after a long term at school. She kissed the top of his head and stroked his hair. “Welcome home, baby. I missed you.”

“Missed you too, Mum. I thought you were at work?” He climbed out of the driver’s seat and let her hug him again, properly.

“Technically I am. Lightburn’s in our kitchen, we’re mid-interview.”

Albus chuckled. He felt his dad coming up behind him. “When you’re finished, Albus has something to tell you.” He winked at Albus who frowned back, why did he have to go and say that?

“Sounds intriguing.” His mum smiled and went to greet Lily who had just woken up.

“Dad! I was going to tell her, you didn’t have to say that,” Albus protested.

“I bet she thinks you’ve got a girlfriend.” His dad laughed and ruffled his hair, going to the boot of the car to retrieve their luggage and leaving Albus standing in the driveway with a forced smile on his face.

* * *

 

James came home on Christmas Eve morning, fresh from a night out with his Puddlemere team mates and more hungover than Albus had ever seen him. He stepped out of the Floo, dropped his duffle bag on the floor at his feet, groaned loudly and fell face first onto the sofa. Lily looked up from where she making paper chains and her pygmy puff scampered over, sniffing James’ hair.

“Fluffles, get off,” she said and Albus laughed and went to retrieve the pale yellow animal from his brother’s still form. James hadn’t even noticed the pygmy puff and it ran up Albus’ arm to nestle in his hair instead.

“Good night, Jamesy?” Albus said loudly and James simply groaned into a cushion in response.

He turned his face to look up at Albus. “I am never drinking again.”

“I won’t ask if you want to help make soufflés with me then, James.” Their dad appeared in the doorway then called out behind him. “Gin, our first born is home!”

“I’m wrapping your Christmas present, Harry. Don’t come in!” Their mum’s voice floated over from her office.

“I’m not, love. James is here!” Harry chuckled and looked at Albus. “Will you help?”

Albus grinned. “I am more than happy to make up for my brother’s failings.”

“Fuck off, Al,” came James’ muffled voice.

“He never learns.” His dad sighed and shook his head, stepping into the kitchen with Albus following. “Can you beat these egg whites?”

Albus set to work beating the eggs while his dad put a pot on the stove and tapped it with his wand. The wireless was playing quietly in the background and there was a companionable quiet between the two of them.

“How stiff do these need to be?” Albus asked and his dad peered over his shoulder and into the bowl.

“Just a bit more should do it, then the yolks are over there.” Harry pointed somewhere behind him then looked back at Albus with an expectant expression.

Albus raised his eyebrows in question. “Dad?”

“Er, so, your mum’s pleased about the decision you made.” He turned back to the stove, tipping chopped chocolate squares into the warmed bowl. “We talked about it last night.”

When Albus had told his mum he wasn’t going for his potioneer’s licence and instead wanted to pursue music, she had been instantly supportive. She’d asked about the songs he’d been writing recently, said she’d love to hear them if he ever felt like sharing, and reminded him the most important thing he could do was to be true to himself.

“Look, Dad, I know you’re not exactly thrilled-“

“No, Albus, I am.” Harry set his wooden spoon down. “I thought potioneering was what you really _wanted_ to do, and that’s why I thought you should do it. I promise, I’m just as supportive as your mum of this idea. She’s just a lot better with words than I am, always has been.”

“I take after you with that, Dad,” Albus chuckled, glancing around and noticing that they were alone.

For the first time ever, he seriously imagined coming out to his dad. He’d be shocked, possibly hurt Albus hadn’t told him sooner, he’d get all mutter-y and refuse to make eye contact, he’d be impossible to read for the rest of the day. But he’d be alright with it, Albus knew that.

“It’s okay, just find yourself a girl like your mum who can write the Christmas cards for the both of you.” Harry grinned and took the melted chocolate off the heat. “Speaking of, are there any ladies in your life currently?”

Albus swallowed down the lump in his throat and laughed uncomfortably. “No, Dad. No ladies.”

“Would you tell me even if there was someone?” Harry was still grinning but there was an edge of severity to his words.

“Wha- yeah, course I would, Dad.” Albus busied himself with going to fetch the egg yolks, his cheeks burning as he thought about Stargazer, who now resembled Cole.

How would his dad react if he brought a boyfriend home to share Christmas with them? James had never had a relationship serious enough to invite anyone to Christmas. He imagined this setting - Lily bedecking the living room with paper chains, his dad cooking, his mum wrapping presents, James lounging around - and then he imagined Cole here too, stood over there by the Christmas tree.

Kissing him under the mistletoe.

“Albus? Did you hear me?”

Albus jumped in surprise, pulled from his fantasy by his father’s voice.

“I said, have you finished with that whisk?”

He blushed and passed the whisk over, making an excuse to go and wash his hands and avoid his dad’s gaze until the picture in his head went away.

* * *

 

Albus was on his bed, taking some space before the craziness of Christmas Eve with his relatives. This would be the last bit of quiet he got until at least the day after Boxing Day and he was taking advantage, playing his guitar. He’d put a silencing charm up around his room, but maybe he’d take it off in a minute.

“Albus! Floo call for you!” His mum called up the stairs.

Albus placed his guitar flat on the bed, wondering who was calling him. Rose would just come round, Polly was at Hogwarts, maybe it was Thea? For one heart-stopping second, Albus imagined stepping into the living room to see _Cole’s_ head in the fire, here to confess that he had been Stargazer all along.

“Who is it?” Albus questioned his mum as he passed her in the doorway.

“It’s Polly.” Ginny smiled and then spoke to Lily who was in the living room. “Give Albus some privacy, Lil.”

Lily got up to leave, but she was staring at Albus with some kind of hurt intensity. He raised his eyebrows in question, had he done something to offend her without realising? She just stared for another second and then ran from the room.

“Don’t be too long, we’re going to Grandpa and Grandma’s soon.” Ginny closed the door.

Albus crossed the room to the fire where Polly’s head was floating. “Pol, what is it? Why are you calling?”

She bit her lip. “Oh Merlin, you haven’t heard anything yet, have you?”

Albus dropped to his knees in front of the fireplace. “Polly, what’s happened? Has something happened?”

“Albus, I-“ she stopped and just looked at him with an anguished expression. “I love you, Albus, and I’m sorry, but something has happened.”

The way she was looking at him, the way she said _something has happened_ , Albus suddenly had a very strong feeling what she was about to tell him.

“A _Hogossip_ post has been sent out, here at school. There’s not that many of us who stayed, not many people have read it, Al!”

“What does it say?” Albus twisted his fingers together with worry.

“Melissa isn’t going to print anymore, and-“

“Polly. What does it say?” Albus asked through gritted teeth.

Polly sighed and reached a hand out, handing Albus a copy of _Hogossip_. “It’s going to be okay, Al.”

He stared at her desperately then looked down to read the article.

_Hogossip! Fresh from the cauldron!_

_It’s another anonymous submission, kids. This time, with some less anonymous tones. Don’t say we don’t give you the good gossip here!_

_“This is a message about romance. Remember that beautifully poetic anonymous coming out post from our friend Stargazer? Well, it turns out he’s not alone. Because Stargazer has a little penpal here at Hogwarts. Yes_ that _kind of penpal. And don’t worry, this isn’t another anonymous mystery because I happen to know who the penpal is._

_Albus Potter, Quidditch star and everyone’s favourite green-eyed potions wonder, is gay. Any interested parties should apply within, he seems to prefer a handwritten approach as seen in the letter below._

_So that’s the latest information in the world of Hogwarts romance, definitely_ not _the admirable and really very sweet display Karl Jenkins showed us at the Quidditch after party. We can all stop talking about that, in favour of discussing how many members of Puddlemere United Albus Potter would like to have at the same time.”_

“Albus?” Polly said very quietly as he let the paper fall to the floor. “It’s going to be okay, we all-“

“I have to go.”

He threw the article into the fire, not caring if it ended up back with Polly or destroyed in the flames, and rushed from the room, up the stairs.

“Leaving in five!” his mum called jovially.

“I’m not coming!” Albus managed to choke out before slamming his bedroom door and hurling himself on top of his bed. He punched his pillow as hard as he could, over and over again.

How many people had read it? Had _Stargazer_ read it?

Karl had done this to him, through his blind hatred and jealousy and embarrassment, he’d dragged Albus down with him. How dare he tell the world Albus’ secret for him? What gave him the right to make such a life-altering decision on Albus’ behalf?

He was crying before he’d even realised it, burying his sobs into his pillow, trying to sink so far into the blankets that he’d never surface. Everything was spoilt, ruined, destroyed. All he could do was cry into his pillow and pray it was all some horrific nightmare.

There was a soft tapping on his door and he didn’t even have the energy to tell whoever it was to go away. Instead, he buried his face into his pillow further and pretended to be asleep.

“Al?” Lily’s soft voice echoed across the room and Albus heard the sound of her closing the door and padding over to him. “Albus, I read it.”

Albus turned over and sat up so quickly he made her jump. “Read what?” he spat bitterly.

“She’s not going to get away with spreading lies about you.”

“It’s not lies, Lily.”

“So it’s true?” Lily stared at him desperately.

“What are you talking about?”

“Albus!” She looked close to tears. “You’ve never spoken to me about anything like that before. I thought you would have told me if it was true.”

He should have felt bad for making his sister cry but all Albus could feel was hurt and fear. “It’s mine to tell.”

“Of course, I know, Albus, it’s just-“ she stopped as a sob took over. “Sorry.”

He should have given her a hug, told her it was nothing to be upset about, reassured her he was still the same as always. But why should he have to? He was the victim here, he was the one who’d just been cruelly outed to the whole school against his will.

“Just leave me alone, Lily.” He turned back over and buried his face in his pillow.

“I’ll tell Mum you aren’t coming to Grandma’s,” Lily whispered, then she hesitated for a second before running from the room.

Albus stewed in the silence of his room for a bit longer, not wanting to think about anything at all, when a tap on his window got louder and louder.

Rose’s owl barged its way into the reluctantly-opened window and dropped a letter at Albus’ feet, giving his hair an affectionate nibble before soaring out again.

_Al,_

_Hugo just showed me this Melissa Lockhart gossip crap. Is it true? Either way, I love you so much. I’ll talk to you properly at Grandma’s._

_Rosie_

By the time he’d finished reading it, his fists clenched, another owl had delivered another letter.

_Albus,_

_Was that Karl? He’s got a nerve! How did he find out? I swear I’m going to hex him so hard when we get back to school. How dare he do that to you!_

_Do you want to firecall?_

_I love you_

_Thea_

Albus stared at both letters for so long his vision blurred with tears again. He couldn’t face their sympathy, because he didn’t _want_ sympathy. He wanted to have the power to control his coming out again. They should be there face to face when he told them, not reading some stupid gossip magazine and writing him a note.

This was all _wrong._

Albus balled up both letters and threw them at his wall. The door pushed open and James stuck his head in, sighing when he caught Albus’ eye. He had on an obnoxious Christmas jumper and looked far too cheerful.

“Aren’t you supposed to be at Grandma’s with everyone else?” Albus stared out of the window, not looking at James.

“I told Mum I’d convince you to come, I thought you’d prefer that to her coming in here.”

Albus said nothing and sat on his bed.

“I know what’s happened, Al.” He tentatively sat down beside Albus on the bed. “This’ll be the end of Hogossip. It’s bang out of order, spreading everyone’s personal business about like that.”

“This is the most personal of business,” Albus muttered, a wave of disappointment crashing over him as he thought about the article again. “I can never get this moment back, James. It’s been taken away from me and that’s that.”

“I’m sorry.” James wrapped an arm around Albus’ shoulders, and he almost shrugged it off but resisted at the last minute. “What are you going to do?”

[ _ _ ](https://78.media.tumblr.com/08d9547e80fbfd63be3378c9007f350c/tumblr_pdtru3HpPV1skyoq2o1_1280.png)

 

“There’s not much I can do. It’s true, I am gay, and now everyone knows before I even had a chance to decide I was ready to tell them.”

“Mum and Dad don’t know,” James said, giving his shoulder a squeeze. “I only know because Lily told me. Hogwarts gossip isn’t everything.”

“But how long will it be before Mum and Dad _do_ know? Before someone who isn’t me tells them? I’m on a time limit now if I want to get in there first.”

“Were you ever going to say anything?”

Albus shrugged. “Eventually.”

“You know nobody will mind, don’t you?”

“Not the point, James.”

“I know.” James sighed. “What are you going to do?”

“I’ll tell Mum and Dad, before anyone else can. I don’t know how, thinking about it makes me feel a bit sick.”

“I’ll be there with you if you want,” James offered, holding his arms out for a hug.

“I’d like that,” Albus replied, falling into them and letting his brother hug him in a way he didn’t think they’d ever needed to do for each other before.

* * *

_Stargazer_

_I don’t know how in touch you are. Something’s happened. You’re going to find out who I am. Someone has stolen one of our letters and published it._

_Please don’t panic. Please, Stargazer. I need you to promise me you won’t disappear. Please._

_Love, Strings_

* * *

 

Albus sat on the sofa, steeling himself for what he was about to do and running words through in his head over and over. He was waiting for his family to return, and when the Floo finally glowed into life, he jumped in fright. His mum stepped out first and clocked him straight away.

“We missed you at the Burrow, baby.” Ginny kissed the top of his hair. “Is everything okay?”

Albus swallowed. “Everything’s okay, but I do have something to tell you. Both of you.”

Ginny met his gaze and nodded. “Harry, come here, love. Albus has to tell us something.”

His dad came over from the fireplace, grinning, and sat beside his mum. “Don’t tell me, you’ve changed your mind again about potions.” He laughed as if this was absurd. “No, you’re going to do both and be the world’s first singing potioneer!”

Albus forced a laugh. “Yeah, that’s it, Dad. Surprise.”

Lily span into the living room and immediately picked up on the atmosphere, giving Albus a wary look and perching on the edge of a nearby armchair.

“Let him speak.” Ginny shushed Harry.

“No, er, what I wanted to say-“ Albus swallowed and James - who had just arrived in the room too - caught his eye, giving him an encouraging thumbs up. “I’m gay.”

It came out sort of stilted, like it wasn’t a real word, like it didn’t really mean anything. He could just as easily have announced _I’m sandwiches_ with the amount of emotion he put into it. He felt like he needed to say something else.

“I don’t want you to think of me any differently. I’m still me, just… gayer.” What was he going on about now?

“Baby,” his mum whispered, looking right at him, her meaning unclear.

“You’re gay? But you had a girlfriend?” His dad looked like he’d been hit with a confundus charm.

“Harry,” his mum said quietly.

“So what, Dad. That’s irrelevant,” James put in sharply, his posture protectively angled away from Albus.

“Right, yes, sorry.” Harry shook his head, looking a bit dazed.

There was a pause. His mum opened her mouth but Albus interrupted her.

“It’s Christmas Eve, don’t we get to each open one present? Lil, want to go first?” He sounded a bit breathless when he spoke.

Lily was staring at their dad wordlessly and she jumped at being addressed. “Oh, yes. I’ll go first.”

It wasn’t like Lily to be so deadpan about a Potter Christmas tradition, Albus felt like he’d put a downer on the whole celebration as she selected a present from under the tree. He caught his mum’s eye and she smiled a smile which said a thousand words. She would wait for Albus to come to her about this, she wouldn’t push him if he wasn’t ready, and that she loved him.

Albus smiled back and then made a big show of encouraging Lily to guess what was in her present before she opened it. He tried to push what had just happened to the back of his mind, writing it off and pretending it didn’t really count. He was just making sure they heard it first from him, he hadn’t _really_ come out to his parents.

This mental attitude got him through all of Christmas Day, opening presents, playing board games, eating turkey and Christmas pudding and the soufflés he’d made with his dad what felt like years ago. He pretended everything was normal, because everything _was_ normal. What he’d said hadn’t changed anything for anyone, but it still felt like there was more to say, more to solve.

He just wasn’t ready to face it yet, despite his dad’s best efforts.

He was woken up on Boxing Day by a soft knock on his door. His dad poked his head around and smiled. “Fancy going for a fly?”

Albus shook his head and mumbled something about being tired.

The next day, Harry offered to take Albus out in the car so he could have some more practice driving. Albus pretended he had homework. The next two days brought mysterious new cooking projects that his dad apparently needed help with; Albus refused both offers.

He knew he couldn’t avoid him forever, but he’d already had his coming out taken away from him. This was something he could control until he was ready.

By New Year’s Eve, Harry had stopped trying to get Albus to do things with him and instead was just overly friendly during meal times. It was irritating James, confusing Lily and no doubt the topic of most of his parents’ late night conversations. Albus felt horribly guilty and spent most of his time alone in his room playing his guitar, but tonight was New Year’s Eve at the Burrow, and to not go would be like removing himself from the family.

Albus stared at himself in the mirror in his bedroom, unsure what to expect of the evening. Every instinct in him wanted to run and hide, but there was also a conflicting emotion in him too. Coming out should be a sign that he was proud of who he was, but that was only when the coming out had been his own decision, Albus thought sadly.

He _was_ proud though, and he could walk into the party with his head held high. For him and for Stargazer and for anyone else who was nervous to be who they really were.

The iPumpkin his mum used for work was open on his bed, a private window open with Albus’ burning question typed into _Accio: how to dress like a gay guy._ The results were confusing him even more.

He ran his eyes over the outfit in his reflection. Albus had never put a great deal of thought into what he wore before, but suddenly whatever he wore tonight became a statement. Grey striped tshirt, navy blue hoodie, his favourite jeans. Did it say _gay and proud?_ He momentarily grinned, imagining himself arriving at The Burrow bedecked in rainbows.

What about his hair? He thought back to that breakfast conversation of so long ago, his friends commenting that Jacob Finch-Fletchley’s _perfectly blow dried_ hair was a sure sign he was gay. Albus had never blow dried his hair once in his life and he wasn’t about to start doing it now. He ran his hand through it uncertainly. He’d had it cut last week, before The Article, not that it really looked any different to before. Perhaps he should have tried a haircut like one of the boys in the pictures in his _Accio_ search. Even the thought made him cringe.

He searched his bathroom cabinet for a long-forgotten bottle of hair potion optimistically purchased for him by his mum which he’d used about three times in total. He had no idea what he was doing, but he squeezed some into his hands and tried to make his hair look as if if was _supposed_ to be that messy. He pushed it over to one side and the effect was quite nice.

“Here goes nothing,” Albus whispered to himself, switching the iPumpkin off, tucking it under his arm and bravely stepping out of his bedroom door.

“Just bringing this back,” Albus muttered, entering his mum’s office and placing the device on her desk. She was sitting poring over some documents wearing her reading glasses. “It’s New Year’s Eve, Mum."

“I know, it never stops.” She pushed the glasses up onto her head, rested the parchment down and looked up at him. “You look nice. Did Teddy cut your hair differently?”

“No, I used the potion you gave me.” Albus rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, suddenly feeling a bit stupid, but his mum smiled knowingly and stood up.

“My handsome boy.” She cupped his face in her hands and kissed his chin.

“Where’s Dad?” Albus whispered.

His mum sighed. “The kitchen, with Lil I think. You know, if you wanted to-“

“I’m fine,” Albus interrupted bluntly.

Ginny nodded and smiled at him with sad eyes. “We’re leaving in a minute, baby. Bring a coat please, you almost froze to death at the fireworks last year.” She smoothed his hair down, kissed the top of his head and left the room.

Coat in hand, Albus flooed into The Burrow after Lily, tumbling into the kitchen and letting his grandma fuss over him, brushing ash off his shoulders and telling him he must have grown at least four inches in the week since she last saw him. Albus grimaced.

“Alright, Al,” his cousin, Freddie, caught his eye and grinned. His sister, Roxanne, smacked him across the shoulder. “What? I didn’t say anything!” Freddie protested.

“Hi, Albus,” Roxanne said in a forced voice.

Is that how it was going to be all night? Albus’ newly announced sexuality the elephant in the room in every interaction he had? Freddie and Roxanne had both already left Hogwarts, how did they even know?

“Hi,” he muttered back.

James appeared in the kitchen and he made a big show of grabbing Albus and pulling him into a somewhat violent hug then attaching himself to Albus for the next hour. James was a lot to take, but it meant a lot to Albus that he was so keen to show his support.

He didn’t leave Albus alone until the Granger-Weasleys turned up, for some reason with Thea in tow, and Rose locked eyes with Albus so intensely it was a bit scary. James looked mildly frightened, told Albus he was _on his own_ and dashed away.

“You came,” Rose said quietly. “Didn’t think you would after you ignored all my letters.”

“Mum made me,” Albus replied. “You brought Thea.”

“Yep,” Rose said pointedly. “You see, you’ve sort of stolen our thunder, Albus.” She took Thea’s hand and held it defiantly.

Albus’ eyes widened so much they felt as if they were popping out of his head. “You…. you two… you’re…”

“Yes, as of two weeks ago.”

“But I didn’t know you were-“ he stopped himself, realising how stupidly hypocritical what he was about to say was.

”I was still working things out,” Rose said in a short tone.

“The thing is, Albus, we got to talking, and realised we might have gotten together sooner if you hadn’t told Rose I was dating Karl Jenkins. Why did you lie about me?”

“Yeah, Albus. Why did make up all that stuff about Thea having a crush on Karl?” Rose looked angry.

Albus gripped the back of his hair in anguish. “Karl Jenkins is the one who wrote that anonymous post about me. He intercepted a letter I wrote months back and he’s been using it to blackmail me ever since. He wanted my help to get with you, Thea.”

Thea’s eyes widened. “And you said _yes?_ I’m not a piece of meat, Albus!”

“I know! I know you’re not!”

“I thought you were so lovely and sweet, I thought we trusted each other, but you were doing _this_ behind my back the whole time.” Thea sounded genuinely hurt, her words heavy with meaning.

“I’m sorry, I really am. I just… I _couldn’t_ let him tell everyone, I was so scared he would if I didn’t help him.”

“That’s why you invited him to the Halloween party with us,” Rose was deep in thought and her eyebrows suddenly shot up. “And why you suddenly wanted him to coach you instead of me! You could have jeopardised the team!”

“And that stupid stunt he pulled at the Quidditch after party, you told him he should do that?”

“No! I didn’t tell him to do that, I promise. I told him to be lowkey and chilled and to get to know you as a person, as a friend.” Albus desperately tried to explain himself, to make what he’d done sound just a tiny bit more acceptable.

Thea shook her head. “He wasn’t getting to know me as a person though, was he. Because he had an ulterior motive from the start and you knew about it and you let me think I was making friends with him. That Quidditch after party was just as embarrassing for me as it was for him!”

Albus felt a lump rise in his throat. “I’m sorry, I’m really sorry, to both of you.”

“How long would this have gone on if Karl hadn’t outed you, Albus? Would you still be meddling in our lives to keep your secret? You’re only sorry you were found out.” Rose took Thea’s hand. “Come on, Thea.”

Albus watched them leave and suddenly he needed to be outside and as far away from any other people as possible. He felt his eyes sting with hot, unshed tears as he fought his way to the back door and out into the freezing garden. He wiped at his eyes rapidly, sniffing hard and trying to force his tears back in before someone noticed and came looking for him.

“Aren’t you cold?” a voice startled him and he jumped, spinning on the spot to see his grandad approaching with Albus’ coat tucked over his arm.

“Thanks, Grandad,” Albus gave him a watery smile and accepted the coat, threading his arms through the sleeves gratefully.

“Are you fighting with Rose?” he asked shrewdly.

“Sort of,” Albus said after a pause. “There’s more to it than that.”

“You two used to bicker all the time growing up, just like your mum and her dad did.”

Albus sighed. “I did something bad, Grandad. I was scared and I made the wrong choices and I hurt my friends.”

“You don’t have a hurtful bone in your body, Albus,” his grandad sounded sincere. “Whatever choices you made, we’re here to help you put them right.”

“Grandad, can I tell you something?”

His grandad nodded and Albus swallowed.

“I’m gay,” he spoke into the silent garden. It was feeling less and less strange the more he said it. “I’m gay and I don’t want to be a potioneer.” Albus laughed at the absurdity of his statement

“Do they not have gay potioneers then?” Grandad asked and for a second, Albus was ready to gently explain, until he caught sight of his grandad’s grin. “Are you going to have a boyfriend now?” he asked with the wise innocence only a grandfather could achieve.

Albus shrugged and thought of Stargazer, of Cole in his parents’ Alpine cabin oblivious to the drama surrounding Albus. Had he been able to read Albus’ letter? He’d borrowed Lily’s owl in the name of his now-fragile anonymity but it still hadn’t returned.

“Maybe,” he settled on.

Grandad smiled. “I can’t wait to meet him.”

“Me too,” Albus muttered, staring off into the distance.

* * *

It was time to go back to school already and Albus hadn’t received a reply from Stargazer, nor had Lily’s own returned, something she was most upset about. He would surely see Cole back at school, Stargazer knew who he was now, so he’d know if it really was Cole or not.

Stood on the platform with his parents and sister, on a drizzly Thursday morning, Albus felt as if every eye was on him, even though he knew the reality was very different and nobody was paying much attention to him.

“Albus, listen to me.” His mum cupped his face and looked straight into his eyes. “We love you so, _so_ much. If anyone is unkind, I want you to remember that.”

“Thanks, Mum,” Albus said quietly, not trusting himself to say much more without tearing up.

“Dad’s taken this weekend off. If you need us, we can come up and visit. I know that might be the last thing you want, but I need you to know the offer is there. You’re not alone.”

His mum had picked up on the fact that Albus had fallen out with Rose at the New Year’s Eve party and Albus knew she was worried he didn’t have her around. Rose and Thea’s words had stung, but he also knew they were all true. Maybe he didn’t deserve their friendship anymore after what he’d done.

“I’ve got Polly. But thank you.” Albus hugged her again, marvelling as usual how a hug from his mum made him feel like a little boy again even though he was taller than his mum now. She kissed his forehead and stroked his hair across his head fondly.

“I love you, Al,” she whispered.

“I love you too, Mum.”

She hugged him one more time then moved busily on to making sure Lily’s pygmy puff was securely stored away. Albus was left standing awkwardly opposite his dad.

“Good luck, son,” his dad said making very forced eye contact. “Er, with the new term. Your exams, other things. I’ve taken this weekend off if you-“

“Mum told me,” Albus interrupted. “Thanks, Dad. For doing that. For me.”

“I would do anything for you,” Harry said very sincerely. He made a jerky movement as if to shake Albus’ hand, then he pulled him into a very stiff hug and patted him on the back. “Onto the train then.”

Albus swallowed and stepped on board, waving to his parents as the train steamed away. Lily suddenly hugged him hard around his middle and buried her face into his chest.

“I love you, Al, and I know you don’t want me to right now, but I do.”

She was gone before Albus even had a chance to process what she’d said.

“Albus,” a voice made him turn around; it was Professor Longbottom.

“Hello, Uncle Neville,” Albus sighed.

“I heard about what happened,” he said quietly.

“Oh. Excellent,” Albus said, unenthusiastic.

“As your head of house and as your godfather, I want you to know we’re taking this seriously as a school. This _Hogossip_ thing of Melissa Lockhart’s isn’t going to be allowed to continue. Nobody will be subjected to her awful writing again.”

Albus shrugged as if he didn’t care about the article. “Hey, it had to come out some time.”

“No, Albus, it had to come out when you were good and ready and in control of the situation. I know she didn’t write the post, but she allowed it to be published. We’re investigating who the anonymous party is, and trust me when I say there will be consequences for them both.”

“I know who the anonymous party is,” Albus muttered darkly, thinking of Karl Jenkins’ smug face and not feeling a drop of sympathy for him for the Thea incident.

Neville patted Albus on the shoulder. “I hope people are kind. And you know where my office is if they’re not, my door is always open for you, Albus.”

“Thanks, Uncle Neville.”

“Now, get practising for the talent show, really show them!” He smiled encouragingly and even though Albus knew he was just teasing, it sparked a bit of a fire in him.

Rose and Thea weren’t in their usual compartment, _probably avoiding me_ , Albus thought to himself. He sat alone; nobody came to join him.

The train pulled into Hogsmeade station and Albus packed his guitar away, taking the silencing charm off his compartment and leaving alone. He ended up in one of the last carriages, accompanied by some second years who stared at Albus like he was from another planet.

The common room was packed and bustling with energy, people catching up about their Christmases and laughing together. Rose and Thea were in a corner together secluded from everyone else and Albus knew he wasn’t welcome to join them. He spotted Polly sat by the window and crossed the room to join her, thankful for someone who would show him some kindness.

Within seconds of sitting down, Albus faltered at the hurt expression she was sending his way.

“You told _Thea_ before you told me,” she whispered in a hurt voice.

“Polly, please-“

“Do you not trust me? What, did you think I’d sell you out to Hogossip if I knew?”

Albus swallowed down the lump in his throat and stared at her desperately. “You think I told Thea before you because I don’t trust you? No, Polly. I told Thea because I’ve known her five minutes compared to you! You’re my best friend, and I can’t put into words how fucking terrifying this is. I was scared to tell you because it’s _you.”_

“Did you think I would have a problem with it?” Polly said quietly.

“No, it’s not that. I know you wouldn’t, and I know you have your own stuff going on with this boy you like and then Matt and-“

“Wait, what? What boy I like?”

Albus shook his head. “The one you were talking about after the Halloween party, and I’m sorry I was so useless at giving you advice. My head’s a mess and-“

“Albus,” Polly suddenly said sharply and he stopped talking. “I was talking about _you.”_

They stared at each other, nobody saying anything.

“Me?”

“Yes, you. I didn’t like some boy, I was in love with you.”

Albus felt an electric shock run through his body at her words.

“But… we’re _us.”_

“Yeah, well,” Polly shrugged. “Sorry. I’ve been trying to tell you, after the Halloween party, I was trying to tell you then. The funniest part is I convinced myself that you being so picky with girls over the years meant maybe you liked me too.”

Albus didn’t know what to say, he just stared at her helplessly.  

“I can deal with you being gay, Al. But it hurts more deeply than you can ever imagine that you didn’t trust me enough to tell me.”

Leaving her words behind her, Polly turned and left Albus standing there alone. He watched her walk over to where Thea and Rose were waiting, clearly having watched their interaction, and they started muttering together, throwing dark glances at Albus.

He stared helplessly at them, wanting nothing more than to turn back time, to stop Karl from pulling that stupid stunt, to stop all of this from happening.

Something hit the side of his face, hard, and he jumped, noticing it was a folded paper aeroplane which had been launched in his direction. Sighing in defeat, Albus unfolded the paper and flattened it out in front of his face.

_Hogossip! Fresh from the cauldron!_

_Ladies, Valentine’s Day is just around the corner and we thought it would help to publish a round up of all the eligible bachelors here at Hogwarts you may or may not have your eye on! The following are SINGLE and if our sources are to be believed, ready to MINGLE (yes, even that first one even though he only broke up with Kristy Coombes LAST WEEK!_

Albus ran his eyes over a list of random people, a sick feeling building in his stomach as he anticipated what was coming.

_The following are OFF. Don’t even try it, unless you want to make it into next week’s issue ;)_

_Jacob Finch-Fletchley - BACK with Kelly Gates! Honey, we’re not judging (kidding, we’re definitely judging)_

_Noel Hillier - sources confirmed the WORST snogger in Ravenclaw, sorry ladies_

_Albus Potter - it’s not you, it’s him (disregard this entry if you happen to NOT be a lady, he’s more than up for it then!)_

“Uncle Neville is shutting her down,” Lily appeared from nowhere, taking Albus’ hand in hers and leading him away. Tears blurred his vision as she did so, even though the article was stupid and not something he should care about.

Lily took him all the way to his dorm, sat him on his bed and made a big show of ripping the parchment up angrily.

“She. Is. Such. A. Bitch.” She punctuated each word with a rip and scattered the pieces over the floor. “What a load of bullshit! Who put her in charge of who’s _off?_ Her opinion isn’t law like she seems to think it is, and I’ve never read something so derogatory. Has she met most of the girls in this school? Has she ever met a girl who can think for herself?”

Watching Lily rant about Melissa Lockhart calling herself a feminist made Albus feel numb inside. He couldn’t really care less if the article had called him ‘off’, but the casual way his identity was being used to make sweeping statements about him stung. Just because he was gay that meant he must fancy every boy he laid eyes on?

“Come and listen,” Lily pulled Albus to his feet and tiptoed out of the dormitory to the balcony which overlooked the common room. It was quiet, everyone facing a point in one corner. A few steps forward showed Albus it was Uncle Neville they were all looking at, the head of Gryffindor house.

“I’m here to tell you all that the publication _Hogossip_ will no longer be circulating at Hogwarts.” There was a mixture of gasps and roars of approval. “It’s cruel and vindictive to spread lies and half-truths about other people, it’s not what our school is about. The person behind this is not the only one at fault, although she will be punished.

“Each of the other houses are being given the same message. Any copycat publications or attempts to reincarnate this paper will be stopped. We won’t tolerate behaviour like this at Hogwarts, and I urge anyone who hears of anything like this happening again to come to me. Don’t believe everything you read, and remember the people you’re reading about in what feels like a harmless way are real people with real thoughts, feelings, lives. I’ll leave you with that thought.”

There was a shocked silence at Neville’s words before a low buzz of chatter broke out. Lily smiled up at Albus but he found it hard to take much comfort from the situation when he remembered his friends weren’t speaking to him.

“Did I see Feathers back in your dorm?” Lily, who seemed to think everything was solved now, asked innocently, going back in to look. “Oh yes, here he is!” she called out.

Albus felt a jolt of fear but at the same time hope. Stargazer had replied to him, he knew who Albus was now and he’d replied.

“There’s your letter. Next time, don’t send him so far.” Lily walked off, cooing at her owl riding on her shoulder.

Albus turned the envelope over in his hands. It wasn’t addressed to _Strings_ like usual and instead was just blank. The message inside was short.

_I saw the post, I know who you are. Strings, because you play the guitar, clever. I’m sorry, I can’t do this anymore._

Albus rushed to his bed, drawing the hangings and turning the letter over as if there might be more on the back. He tipped the envelope out in case there was something else, but there was nothing. That was Stargazer’s whole message.

He knew Albus played the guitar. Not everyone knew that, but _Cole_ knew that. And he didn’t want to talk to Albus now he knew who he was talking to.

Tears sprung to his eyes as he did the only thing he could think to do.

_Dear Mum,_

_Please will you come and see me at the weekend? I need you. I love you._

_Albus_

Then he scribbled out another desperate message, not bothering to disguise his handwriting this time. It didn’t matter, Stargazer knew who he was.

_Please, Stargazer. You can’t leave me alone. Everything’s falling apart. Please._

He tied both letters to his owl, Holly. She was clever enough to deliver both accordingly and it didn’t matter if he used his own owl now.

Albus sat on top of his bed, staring blankly at the floor. He didn’t know what do, other than crash backwards onto the bed, draw the hangings and sob into his pillow until his throat was raw and his eyes sore. Albus hugged his pillow to his chest and ended up crying himself to sleep, still in his hoodie and jeans.

* * *

 

The next morning, Albus couldn’t face breakfast and instead waited in his dorm for his owl to bring something back from Stargazer, even just a one word reply. Even just the word _no._

The owl finally returned, looking like it had travelled a long way in a short time. It contained two letters, one from home:

_Of course we’ll be there, baby. We love you. Be strong._

_Mum and Dad_

And the other, Albus’ own letter to Stargazer, sent back, unopened.

Albus set his jaw, almost angry at this point. How had everything gone so horribly wrong so quickly? He stuffed both letters under his pillow and left the dorm quickly, determined to do something about this and stop wallowing in his sadness. He would find Cole, and talk to him in person. Surely he was Stargazer.

Determined, Albus made a beeline for the Great Hall, unsure where Cole would be but hoping this might be a start. He was stopped on the way, halfway down a corridor.

“Hey, er, Albus.”

It was Karl Jenkins.

“I have _nothing_ to say to you, Karl.” He made to walk away from him.

Karl sped up and followed after Albus. “I know! I know you hate me right now, I just wanted to say that I’m sorry. I didn’t think people would care much and I was so embarrassed after the Quidditch thing that I wanted everyone to focus on something else. I didn’t think it was going to be a big thing.”

Albus turned to him with a rage surging through his chest. “I don’t care if _you_ didn’t think that my coming out was a big thing, Karl. You don’t get to decide that. I’m supposed to be the one who gets to decide when and where and how and who knows and how I get to say it.” He balled his hands into fists and towered over Karl as much as he could. “That’s supposed to be my thing!”

Karl quivered and said nothing.

“And you took that away from me,” Albus finished quietly, pointing an accusing finger at Karl’s face. “So will you please just get the _fuck_ away from me!”

Karl nodded meekly and Albus realised he was unconsciously gripping his wand inside his robes, as if about to draw it. He gave Karl one last disgusted look and stalked off, his pace fast and angry. He took a different route, ignoring the Great Hall and heading straight outside.

He walked quickly, breathing heavily and telling himself to calm down. Karl wasn’t worth getting upset over.

It took a lap of the lake for him to feel collected again, and as he started to make his way back towards the castle, Cole was stood there, right there. He was watching Albus with a small smile on his face, because they’d been writing to each other for months now?

“Is it you?” he said, approaching Cole and sounding a bit desperate. “Are you Stargazer?”

Cole looked sympathetic. “No, it’s not me.”

Albus sighed and gripped the back of his hair with one hand. “Okay, sorry.”

“Al, I know you’ve had a rough couple of weeks. Do you want to talk?”

There was only one person Albus wanted to talk to, he didn’t know who they really were and they didn’t want to talk to him anymore. Stargazer felt like a figment of his imagination at this point, it would be so comforting to know he was a real person.

“No, I’m okay,” Albus lied.

Cole gave him a knowing smile. “Well, if you change your mind.” He shrugged and went to leave, walking backwards away from Albus. “I hope you find him. Maybe he’ll come to you.” He shrugged again and raised his hands as if to say _you never know._

Albus stood still, watching him leave. His eyes wandered upwards to the darkening, cloudy sky. The stars would appear soon. _Stargazer._

_Sometimes, I like to stand at the top of the Astronomy Tower in the middle of the night, and just look out at the stars._

The Astronomy Tower was visible from nearly every point in the Hogwarts grounds; it was the tallest tower of the castle, majestic in its silhouette against the blue hued clouds. An idea started to form in Albus’ mind as he pictured a faceless Stargazer standing in front of a telescope, perusing the starry sky.

_I feel almost as if my worries don’t matter, because stars don’t have worries, they exist and shamelessly so._

If he wanted to find Stargazer, maybe Cole was right. Maybe Stargazer would come to him.

* * *

It was early on Saturday morning, earlier than Albus was ever usually awake at the weekend, but he wasn’t sleeping well since coming back to school. He did what he’d been doing in all his free time that week: pulling his hangings closed, casting a silencing charm and playing his guitar until that was all he could focus on. He played until it was nearly the time for his parents to arrive, when he showered, dressed and left his guitar on his bed to walk to Neville’s office, where they were flooing in.

Neville was already in there, marking essays and sipping tea from a Christmas mug. He offered Albus some too, and even though he preferred coffee, he accepted, enjoying the amicable silence between the two of them.

“How’s your week been?” Neville lowered his quill and put the essay he was reading to one side. “As weeks go.”

“Terrible. Truly awful,” Albus replied in a monotone. “None of my friends will talk to me, everyone is whispering about me,” _and Stargazer doesn’t want to know me anymore._

“Why won’t your friends talk to you?” Neville looked concerned.

“Polly is upset I didn’t tell her, Thea is rightfully cross with me for trying to get her together with Karl, and Rose is mad at me for that too. They’re a couple now, you see.”

“Rose and Thea are?” Neville leant back in his chair. Albus nodded. “And… how have people taken that?”

Albus considered his words. How _had_ people taken Rose and Thea’s relationship? They weren’t trying to hide it, but he’d not heard any unkind whispering about the two of them being together. It had been taken in the same way Rose and Scorpius getting together would have been.

“Well, I think. I don’t think anyone really cares that they’re two girls.”

“Interesting,” Neville said meaningfully. “Nobody really cares.”

“I get what you’re saying,” Albus allowed himself a tiny smile.

“Maybe not _everyone_ is whispering about you,” Neville’s eyes twinkled.

“Okay, that was an exaggeration. I still have no friends, though. And there’s another thing, Uncle Neville. You see, I’ve been writing to-“

The fireplace glowed green and a noisy spluttering sound filled the air as Albus’ parents spun into the office. Just the sight of his mum’s kind, familiar face was enough to send Albus over the edge and before he knew what was happening, he was sobbing hard into her chest.

“Shh, it’s okay, we’re here. You’re safe, Albus.” She stroked his hair and whispered the same words of comfort she’d used all his life.

“What’s happened?” Albus heard his dad ask Neville in the background, who must have given some kind of non-verbal response, because the next thing Albus knew, his dad came and wrapped his arms around them both.

He let himself just cry for a bit, not quite ready to face talking about it yet. Eventually, he surfaced and gazed at his mum desperately, wishing she could fix this like she did when he was little.

“I’m going to make more tea,” Neville said quietly, backing out of the office and shutting the door softly behind him.

“Thanks, Nev,” Ginny replied, only looking at Albus and leading him over to sit down beside her. His dad sat down too and they both looked at him, expectant and patient all at once.

“My f-friends all hate m-me,” Albus choked out, his shoulders shaking. He hadn’t cried this much since the night James left for Hogwarts.

His dad looked confused. “Well that can’t be right because Rose has a girlf-“

“Harry,” Ginny gently cut him off. “I don’t think that’s what he means. Which friends, Al? What’s happened?”

So he told them everything. He told them about Stargazer, that he’d been writing back and forth with him for months now, that Karl had intercepted a letter and used it to blackmail Albus, that he’d given in and meddled in his friends’ lives, that Karl had been embarrassed and posted the article, that he’d been too scared to tell Polly but not Thea, that Polly had confessed to being in love with him, that Stargazer wouldn’t talk to him anymore.

His parents listened, his mum squeezing his hand at regular intervals and his dad urging him to continue when he faltered. It felt healing to tell the whole story in one go.

“Sweetheart, I’m so sorry he did that to you. What an awful situation for you to be in, and shame on him for trying to manipulate your friends like that.”

“But I let him, Mum. I went along with it.” Albus couldn’t have her absolve him of any blame here.

“Of course you did, anyone would have in that situation,” his dad muttered darkly. “It’s disgusting to use something so personal against you in that way.” He looked completely furious. “I need to… outside.” He stood up, breathing heavily, and left the room.

“Is he okay?” Albus asked after he’d left.

“He will be,” his mum reassured. “He’s worried about you and the auror in him is trying to work out who he needs to target to make your pain go away.”

“That’s not really going to fix this, Mum.” Albus leaned his head on her shoulder and she kissed his hair.

“I know, baby. It’s his way, let him be.”

They lapsed into a comfortable silence which Albus felt the need to break. “Did you know?”

Ginny sighed. “I always knew you had a secret. Don’t ask me how, some kind of mum’s intuition. Maybe because you were always so carefree when you were little, and then you seemed different. I felt like I wasn’t seeing the full picture of who you wanted to be.”

Albus nodded, those words summarising how he felt. “You’re seeing who I am now.”

“No, Albus, not who you are _now._ Who you’ve always been. On Christmas Eve, you said _I’m still me_ and I want you to be very clear on this. You are _still_ _you_. You’re still the same son I love fiercely, that your dad trusts the most to cook with him, you’re still the same brother who supports his big brother and looks out for his little sister.

“But you don’t have to pretend anymore, you don’t have to hide or be scared or keep any part of you away from us anymore.”

She turned him to face her and placed her hands on the tops of his shoulders.

“Albus, you get to exhale now. You get to be more you than ever before.”

He was crying again without even realising, silent tears of understanding running down his cheeks. She pulled him to her chest and Albus thought he heard his mum - who never cried - give into a few sobs too.

“Are _you_ crying _,_ Mum?” Albus looked up at her and she blinked back a few tears.

“You know you and James and Lily are the only things which make me cry,” she gave a watery chuckle.

“What about the series finale of _Heart Spell?”_ Albus teased, feeling lighter already.

She pretended to hit him over the head. “We should find your father. I think he’s prepared some kind of speech.”

Albus pulled a face.

“He loves you more than ever, but I think he feels… I’ll let him explain.” She smiled, patted Albus’ cheek and stood up to leave the office. “Just hear him out, okay?”

A minute later, Harry returned alone and he awkwardly sat next to Albus, crossed his legs, uncrossed them, sighed heavily, fiddled with his glasses.

“Hi, Dad,” Albus whispered when he couldn’t bear it any longer.

His dad swallowed. “I just want to make it very clear that I don’t have a problem with you being gay.”

“Er, thanks, Dad.”

“How long have you known, Albus?”

Albus shrugged. “I suppose I worked it out when I was in fourth year.

“Three years,” Harry whispered to himself. “Three years of picking you up at the train station, taking you to Quidditch games, cooking with you. I’m sorry.”

“I wanted to tell you sooner! It’s just-“

“No, not that, Albus. I had three years to notice and I didn’t. I shouldn’t have missed it.”

“No, Dad, how could you have known?”

“But why shouldn’t I have known? Why did I assume you weren’t? I’m sorry, Albus.”

Albus shook his head emphatically. “No, Dad really, it’s okay. _I’m_ sorry that it took some stupid article to make me tell you.”

His dad looked worried. “Did you think we wouldn’t accept you?”

“No, I never thought that. It’s complicated. I can’t explain why I didn’t say something sooner.”

“And you don’t have to explain. I just want you to know that I love you and I wouldn’t change anything about you.” His voice shook on the last word and he sniffed hard.

“Oh Merlin, first Mum, now you. What have I started?”

“Sorry, I’m trying.” He breathed hard and pressed his fingertips to his temples, as if he were concentrating on not crying. “Come here.” He smiled and pulled Albus into a warm hug.

“I love you, Dad,” Albus breathed into his chest. Harry patted his hair and hugged him tighter for a second before letting go.

“Now, Neville tells me you’re entering the talent show and I’d been doing some research.” He ploughed on before Albus had a chance to correct him. “Apparently the lead singer of _Wandless Wanderers_ is gay and I had a listen, there’s one track of theirs called _Helpless as a Hippogriff_ which I think you could really pull off and… what?”

He broke off when he noticed Albus smirking at him. Albus just laughed and hugged him again.

* * *

 

“It’s so annoying that Albus Potter got Hogossip shut down. How will I know what’s going on in school now?”

Albus rolled his eyes and lowered the spoonful of porridge he’d been about to eat while some random girl a few seats down ranted about how inconsiderate of him it was that she couldn’t read Hogossip anymore. He wasn’t going to say anything, it was almost comical to hear her complain, but another voice made him look up.

“Albus didn’t get it shut down. Melissa did when she chose to print that awful post. Maybe you should stop listening to stupid gossip and actually pay attention to the people around you if you want to _know what’s going on_.”

Polly was glaring at the girl, who faltered and turned red. Albus looked at her, mildly impressed, but she didn’t seem to have noticed him sitting there because, with one last spiteful glance at the girl, she left the breakfast table.

Albus thought about it all the way through Alchemy, making a plan. He waited for the time when he knew Polly would be walking back from Care of Magical Creatures and deliberately positioned himself in the grounds on her path back to the castle. When he spotted her coming, he jogged over to her.

“Albus? What are you doing out here?”

“Going for my daily run,” Albus shrugged casually, jogging around on the spot.

“You don’t go on daily runs,” Polly looked judgemental.

“It’s my new year’s resolution,” Albus persisted.

“You’re wearing brogues,” she pointed out.

“These are my running shoes.” He bounced about and then started to get a bit breathless.

Polly rolled her eyes and smirked to herself but slowed down. “Okay, you’re going for your daily run, right here, right now.”

Albus stopped jogging and slowed to a normal walk. “Polly, can we talk? Please.”

She glanced at him, gave a thin-lipped smile and nodded. “Can I say something first though?”

“Yeah, of course.”

“I’m sorry, Albus.”

There was a pause and it seemed like that was all Polly was going to say. 

“Sort of took my line there, Pol. I’m the one who’s sorry.”

“No, Albus. I really am sorry for being so selfish this week. You were going through such a lot and all I could think about was how you hadn’t told _me_ when I should have just been there for you.”

“Oh.” Albus stopped on the spot, floored by her words.

“It was a shock, because we’ve always told each other everything. But I suppose I wasn’t being completely honest with you either.” She blushed and Albus’ hand went straight to the back of his hair.

“Polly, I don’t know what to-“

“Say nothing.” She smirked. “Instead, tell me about Stargazer. Have you really been writing to him?”

Albus swallowed and looked Polly straight in the eyes. “I think I’m in love with him.”

Her eyes widened and she took both his hands. “Are you really? Tell me about him?” She chuckled at Albus’ hesitation. “Come on, if I’m going to get over you then I need to completely kill off Straight Albus in my head.”

“Polly, you don’t have to-“

“Nope, he’s dead, gone. I’m hacking him up with a mental machete as we speak,” she said dryly. “Who’s the guy?”

Albus sighed. “The thing is, I don’t know. And he… he won’t talk to me anymore, after all this publicity. He said he can’t do it anymore, he’s scared.”

“Oh, Albus.” Polly pulled him into a hug and he relaxed against her. “You’ve been so brave, surely he can too.”

“No, I was forced to be brave,” he responded in a monotone. “I completely get it, he’s still in control of his identity and if it were me, I’d want to hold onto that too. But I want to talk to him, face to face.”

“Write to him and ask to meet.”

Albus shook his head sadly. “He’s stopped opening my letters. But I did have another idea about how I could ask him to meet me. I think I’m going to need your help though…”

* * *

 

Albus was sat alone with his guitar, silently moving his fingers through the chord pattern he’d been playing constantly for the last fortnight. There were several other people around, but they were each wrapped up in their own preparations and weren’t paying much attention to Albus.

“Curtain up in five!” Neville called jovially, sending a wave of excitement around. He headed straight for Albus and sat beside him, saying nothing.

“Are there many people out there?” Albus asked nervously.

“Yep.”

He gulped and squeezed the neck of his guitar tightly.

“You’re going to be the best one, Albus. Don’t tell anyone I said that. By the way, you’re closing the show,” Neville whispered and swept away.

“What?” Albus gaped like a fish at Neville’s retreating figure.

His decision to enter the talent show had been influenced by the talk he’d had with Polly and the plan they’d made together. Despite being more nervous than he could ever remember being, Albus felt a sense of excitement and anticipation over what he was about to do.

It was an agonising wait as act after act left for the stage and returned in varying states of excitement and relief. A group of third years who were displaying levitated baton twirling were in hysterics after one of their _wingardium leviosa_ charms wore off halfway through and sent the performance into chaos. Neville was so busy comforting a crying boy that he barely had time to give Albus a thumbs up and point to the stage.

There was lights pointed at the stage which were so blindingly bright Albus couldn’t even make out the audience if he’d wanted to. The rumble of chatter however told him there were a lot of people in the audience. He hastily sat down and propped his guitar on his chest; a sixth year rushed on stage and cast a cleverly applied _sonorous_ charm just in front of Albus.

He couldn’t look at anyone in the hushed audience and instead stared at the parchment in front of him where he’d hastily scribbled words alongside his lyrics.

“Hello, Hogwarts. I’m going to play a song I wrote myself.” His voice was loud and echoing and it startled him to hear himself.

“Before I play, I want to say something. As anyone who reads _Hogossip_ already knows, there was an article posted declaring I was gay. The delivery left something to be desired but the message is true. I am gay.”

There was a tiny pause and Albus dared look at where he knew Polly was sitting. She smiled and gave him a thumbs up.

“For too long now, I’ve been hiding that about myself, and I had all these reasons: it was unfair that only gay people had to come out, I wanted to wait until after Hogwarts. Reason after reason to hide the fact that I was just scared. It’s not just about me being gay though, announcing who you are to the world is terrifying in any context. Especially this one.” He gestured to the brightly lit stage and the audience laughed. “So I did whatever I could to keep my secret. In the process, I hurt the best and most important people to me.”

He looked up again to see Rose watching him intently, Thea already smiling widely at him with one hand over her heart.

“I want to tell you all tonight that I’m done with feeling scared and not being who I really am. I deserve a great love story.” He felt his voice increase in confidence. “Sorry to get all romantic, but I’m not really sorry because I’m through with apologising for who I am. Please feel free to stick your fingers in your ears and hum loudly if this kind of thing cringes you out; I know I would.

“This guy that I love once wrote that looking out at the stars made him feel like none of his worries mattered anymore. I’d like to feel like that too. I have truly amazing friends, the most fantastic family, but I’d love to have someone to share this with.

“So, Stargazer - and I’m stealing your words here - I might not know your name, or what you look like, but I know who you are. I know you’re funny and kind and you have a way with words unlike anyone else I know. I know you’ve been pretending for so long that you can’t imagine letting go, but you can be like the stars. Unashamedly yourself.

“Tonight, after the show, you know where I’ll be. There’s no pressure to show up, but I really hope you do. I’ll be there until midnight. You deserve a great love story too, Stargazer. So this song is dedicated to you,” Albus looked up as if praying, “I _really_ hope you’re here somewhere listening.” The audience laughed.

Albus adjusted the guitar across his lap, swallowed and held his hand ready to strum across the strings. There was a loud cheer from the direction of his friends, but Albus just concentrated on what he was playing.

_What am I supposed to do without you?_

_Is it too late to pick the pieces up? Too soon to let them go,_

_Do you feel damaged just like I do?_

_Your face, it makes my body ache, it won’t leave me alone._

 

_And this feels like drowning,_

_Trouble sleeping,_

_Restless dreaming._

 

_You’re in my head always, always,_

_I just got scared, away, away,_

_I’d rather choke on my bad decisions than just carry them to my grave,_

_You’re in my head, always,_

 

_I know there’s nothing left to cling to,_

_But I’m still calling out your name,_

_You’re in my head, always._

He was surrounded before he knew it, his three best friends attacking him in a tight hug. Rose was closest and she was almost fierce in her affection.

“I love you, Al,” she said directly into his ear. “I love you and I’m sorry and I love you.”

Thea looked a bit sheepish. “I should have been a bit more understanding, accepting your identity is hard enough without someone like Karl Jenkins getting in the way.”

Albus pulled a face. “I’m still so sorry.”

Thea shrugged and pulled him into a hug. “Forget about it, and instead tell me where you learnt to sing like that! I didn’t know!”

“He practises in the shower at home, James told me,” Polly put in with a laugh.

Rose smiled at Albus. “Come to the after party with us?”

Albus exchanged a look with Polly. “I have to do something, but I’ll be there later.”

Thea rolled her eyes fondly at Rose. “Weren’t you listening, Rosie? He’s got to find Stargazer now!”

Albus nodded and a wave of apprehension hit him. “I just hope he turns up.” He checked his watch: ten thirty. “If I’m back in the common room by midnight you’ll know he didn’t.”

“He’ll come.” Polly smiled and looped her arm through his, Rose did the same on his other side.

“Are you going straight there?” Rose asked as they made their way through the busy hall.

“Yeah, I think so. Need some time alone to decide what I’m going to say if he does show up. Will you take my guitar back?”

“She’s safe.” Thea held the guitar up with a grin.

“Oh.” Rose looked confused. “So you’re not going to brush your hair before you go?” She grinned teasingly and Albus shoved his shoulder into her side.

It took the four of them a considerable amount of time to cross the Great Hall because people kept stopping Albus to congratulate him on his performance. He blushed and shrugged off the compliments while his friends smiled proudly and wouldn’t let him leave.

“Oh, no, I wouldn’t go as far as to say-“

“Mark my words, boy,” a random, older wizard was insisting, “you’re going to go far! I’ll listen out for you on the wireless, I will. I’ll say _that boy, I told him he’d go far._ Jolly good job indeed, Albus.”

“Well, thank you.” Albus smiled politely.

"You're wonderfully talented, Albus." Professor Jacobs stopped him with a smile. "I noticed you hadn't started your portfolio yet, now I think I know why."

Albus grinned sheepishly. "Thought I'd give something else a go, sorry."

Professor Jacobs waved her hand casually. "Don't apologise! There was never any pressure to do it, I just thought you wanted to. Well done though, Albus. You were incredible."

"Thanks, Professor." Albus smiled and Rose stared at him incredulously.

"You didn't ever fancy her!" she burst out, probably loud enough for Professor Jacobs to here and Albus shushed her in a panic. "You told me you fancied her, ages ago, and I thought it was weird at the time because you-"

"Rosie, please stop," Albus rolled his eyes fondly.

"It was this Star boy you liked, am I right?" 

Albus just smiled nervously in response. 

Eventually he evaded the Great Hall and walked arm in arm with the girls until they reached the corridor where they had to part ways. Gryffindor Tower was in one direction and the Astronomy Tower in the other.

“Good luck, Al. I hope he comes, you deserve him to come.” Polly hugged him tightly.

“He’s going to just love you,” Thea insisted as she too hugged him.

“Promise me you won’t get all _soppy_ when he turns up?” Rose raised one eyebrow. “Oh, come here.” She pulled him into a hug too, hers fiercer than the other two.

“Go get him!” Thea cried enthusiastically.

“See you when you get back,” Polly was walking backwards and waving.

“Or not,” Rose added with a grin. “Who knows? You might be out all night!”

“Love you, Al!”

He watched them walk away, feeling comforted knowing they were going to be waiting for him if this didn’t go to plan. Then he swallowed, steeled himself, and started the walk alone to the Astronomy Tower. He couldn’t help wondering the whole way if he would be walking back alone too.

At the base of the steps up the tower, somebody was waiting in the darkening space. Albus recognised Karl’s stature, except he wasn’t holding himself with quite as much smarminess as usual.

“Karl, not now.”

“I know you don’t want to speak to me, and that what I did was awful. I just wanted to say I’m sorry, genuinely and truly sorry. I understand if you can’t ever forgive me, and I’m sorry.” He held his hands up in surrender, looking more sincere than Albus had ever seen him.

“Thanks, Karl.” Albus nodded politely. He didn’t feel like he could honestly tell Karl he was forgiven, not yet.

Karl seemed to pick up on that because he grinned sheepishly. “Good luck for it, I hope he shows. Goodnight, Al.”

“Night, Karl.” Albus stood still, watching him leave and ignoring the bubbling anxiety in his stomach.

Each step he took up the astronomy tower made his breath quicken. He half expected to step out onto the turret to find someone waiting for him, but it was completely empty. He breathed in the night air and sighed, summoning all of his Gryffindor courage.

It was almost eleven pm. He would stay here for an hour, like he’d promised, and if nobody showed up, that would be it. He’d have to give up on Stargazer.

Albus looked into the large telescope which lived on the tower, trained to point at the moon. He peered into it and observed the bright glow of the moon; it was almost full, but not for another few days. He gazed and gazed at it until his eyes blurred, hoping that when he looked away, somebody might be there.

After repeating this pattern many times, Albus leant out over the railings of the tower, the starry expanse of the night sky stretching out above him. The silence pressed in on him from all sides.

He checked his watch: it was three minutes to midnight. Stargazer wasn’t coming. That was it.

With a resigned sigh, Albus tried to take comfort from the idea that his three best friends were waiting for him in the common room and they would be there for him however he needed them to be. He wasn’t alone in this, and it was horrible, but he could get through it with them by his side.

Just as he was about to give up and leave, footsteps patted lightly, getting closer and closer to the top of the tower. Albus couldn’t bear to look, not daring to hope that he was actually going to come now. He pressed his eye to a telescope and focused it in on the corner of a constellation, hearing the footsteps getting closer behind him.

“See anything good?” a voice punctuated the silence and Albus felt his heart leap. He span on the spot and…

Scorpius Malfoy stood before him, his white blonde hair reflecting the moonlight and his hands intertwined in front of him like a shield.

“It’s you?” Albus took the tiniest step towards Scorpius, who smiled nervously.

“It’s me.” Scorpius unlaced his fingers and his hands fell to his sides.

“But… the Halloween party, you and that unicorn girl?”

Scorpius shrugged. “I was drunk. It was meaningless.” He bit his lip and looked down for just a second. “Are you disappointed that it’s me?”

“No,” Albus felt a tiny smirk tug at his lips. “Not at all disappointed.”

They were standing side by side by now, looking out over the starry sky.

“You’re really Stargazer?” Albus asked quietly.

“My name’s a constellation,” Scorpius smiled. “I know why you called yourself Strings now. You play beautifully.”

“I meant what I said,” Albus whispered, noticing a star twinkling out of the corner of his eye. “I’m ready to be me and shamelessly so.”

“Me too,” Scorpius’ smile grew even bigger if that was possible and he took a step towards Albus.

There was the tiniest fraction of a pause before Albus could bear it no longer. He closed the gap between them and their lips brushed together,  softly at first, and then with more hunger. His hand was wrapped around Scorpius’ waist without him even noticing he’d put it there, Scorpius’ fingertips lightly tangled themselves into his hair, their bodies came closer together as their kiss deepened. It was both urgent and patient, anticipated and authentic.

[ _ _ ](https://78.media.tumblr.com/7c360d6cfb9b90a6c80e1f448beeb504/tumblr_pdzhhq3xT61skyoq2o1_1280.png)

“I didn’t think you were going to come,” Albus admitted, intertwined with Scorpius.

Scorpius smiled shyly. “For a while, I didn’t think I was either. I listened to everything you said, I didn’t think I was brave enough to come, but then you sang and I knew I should. It wasn’t until I saw you just now that I knew this was the right thing to do.” He shrugged and broke eye contact with Albus.

He gently tipped Scorpius’ face up to meet his and kissed him again, softly and gently and silently telling him how much he appreciated his bravery.

And nothing had ever felt more _right._

* * *

_Four months later_

“Good luck coffee for you. Everyone else is drinking butterbeer, but Scorp said you’d want this.” Rose shrugged and placed a mug on top of the small table in front of Albus.

“It’s seven o’clock in the evening,” Polly said disapprovingly.

Albus smirked and took a sip. “It’s tradition now.” Rose took a seat at the table and Albus tapped his plectrum against the side of his mug. “Where’s Thea?”

“At the bar.” Rose drank her butterbeer.

They were at The Three Broomsticks, clustered around a table just off to the side of a small stage which had been set up. Albus was performing, his first non-Hogwarts gig, and he was trying to pretend to everyone around him that he wasn’t as nervous as he actually was.

“Your brother just got here.”

Albus looked up to see his boyfriend edging his way over, a bottle in each hand. Scorpius reached the table and dropped a quick kiss onto Albus’ lips before sitting next to him and handing him one of the bottles.

“What is that?” Polly eyed the bottles with distrust.

“It’s sparkling water,” Albus replied in protest, clinking his bottle against Scorpius’ and taking a sip.

“I can’t think of a gayer type of water,” Rose said in a deadpan voice.

“I know it’s not for everyone, but we like it,” Scorpius leaned into Albus’ side a bit.

Albus gripped the top of Scorpius’ leg under the table. “Did you say James is here?”

“Just saw him at the bar,” Scorpius nodded.

“Excellent, he wasn’t sure if he could make it.” Albus smiled to himself. “He’s only just on time.”

“I told him he should come and sit here with us but I think he brought people.” Scorpius said this casually, unaware of the magnitude of his words.

“People?” Albus looked at him urgently. “People as in his Puddlemere team mates?”

“I don’t know,” Scorpius shrugged. “It was just him at the bar but he was ordering enough drinks for about six people. As I left he was asking the bartender about different types of tequila. I thought there was only one type?” He looked adorably innocent in what Albus knew was a genuine question.

“Nah, there’s loads, I think.” Albus glanced around and did indeed recognise some of James’ teammates at a table at the back.

“Is it important that it’s his teammates?” A sudden look of excitement crossed Scorpius’ face. “Does that mean _Killian Coles_ is here?”

“I don’t think they bring random team alumni on their nights out, Scor.” Albus smiled fondly at his boyfriend. “It’s just… if all of James’ lot are out, the press might be here. The gossip column for the Prophet, I mean.”

Scorpius shuddered. “No more gossip magazines.”

“Exactly.”

“The press being here is _good,_ Al!” Polly chimed in. “It means exposure for you.”

Albus stared at his bottle of sparkling water. “Is now a good time to admit that I’m really, really nervous?”

Scorpius squeezed his knee under the table. “Just look at us, perform to us.”

“You’ll be wonderful, Al,” Thea put in.

“Are you doing the song with the line about _discombobulation?”_ Rose asked. “I love that one.”

“I’m opening with it,” Albus replied weakly and, to no surprise, he felt Scorpius’ arms snake around his shoulders and his lips attach themselves to his neck.

“My song,” he whispered in Albus’ ear flirtily.

“Your song,” Albus turned in his arms and kissed him quickly.

“Good luck, Al. I hope at least one of these is dedicated to your favourite brother who came all this way to see you tonight.” James interrupted and clapped Albus on the back.

“I didn’t know Teddy was here!” Albus pretended to scan around for their godbrother, who was practically a real brother to them both.

James just ruffled his hair and went to sit with his friends.

The pub was almost full when the time Albus’ set was supposed to start came around and he looked around at his friends who were all smiling encouragingly. Scorpius gave him one last good luck peck on the lips and Albus took a deep breath, picking his guitar up. James noticed instantly from the back of the room and gave a big whoop. For a second, he just stopped and thought about how blessed he was to have supportive friends, and a loving family and the most wonderful boyfriend in the world.

Smiling to himself at this thought, Albus approached the stage, introduced himself briefly (he’d talk more after his first song when he’d warmed up a bit and didn’t feel so nervous) and held his guitar across his lap ready to play.

He strummed the introduction out and focused only on a spot somewhere in the distance, mentally visualising the first line of the song.

_“Shooting stars shining down on your face,_

_Dancing in the moonlight with you._

_You keep me calm when I’m a certain disgrace,_

_You keep me on my toes with your moves.”_  

 

Scorpius caught his eye and Albus couldn’t help a huge grin taking over as he sang the next lines directly to his boyfriend.

_“And you pull me inside out and outside in,_

_Give my heart palpitations keep my pulse racing._

 

_“Oh and I can’t see straight when I’m thinking about you,_

_Yeah you make my head spin with the things that you do,_

_I feel dizzy when you tell me you love me too,_

_I can’t see straight when I’m thinking about you.”_

 

His friends were swaying to the beat of the song, but when Albus chanced a glance around the rest of the tables, it appeared most of the people there were into the song too. There were heads nodding and feet tapping and, by the time he got the chorus again, a few people mouthing a word here and there.

_“You’re making magic, got me under your spell_

_Boy you’ve got the music in you,_

_Falling for you and I know you can tell,_

_Cause you’re reciprocating it too._

 

_"You turn me upside down and downside up,_

_Give me an education how to fall in love._

_Head over heels and heels over head.”_

 

For the next line, Albus looked directly at Rose with a bit of a smirk.

“ _You’re the only explanation for my discombobulation, baby.”_

Rose pretended he’d been singing to her and said “oh, stop it,” loudly before nudging Scorpius.

 

_“Oh and I can’t see straight when I’m thinking about you,_

_Yeah you make my head spin with the things that you do,_

_I feel dizzy when you tell me you love me too,_

_I can’t see straight when I’m thinking about you.”_

As the song came to an end, Albus caught Scorpius’ eye. Scorpius blew him a kiss as the audience applauded and Albus winked, before turning back to the magical microphone to introduce his next song.

They were existing, and shamelessly so.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Please let me know what you thought in a comment :)  
> Come and say hi on Tumblr: @littlerose13writes, also check out @scorbusfest on Tumblr too and the other wonderful pieces of content which are being posted this week!
> 
> This fic contains characters from my canon universe Scorbus fic Sweeter Than Fiction if you are interested in reading about them all interacting in another universe!
> 
> Massive thanks to Beks/morphin3 for being the best beta ever, and to Mari @marisdrawings for the STUNNING artwork to accompany this fic <3
> 
> Have a blessed week all! R x
> 
> Lyrics credits:  
> Always - Green, O. and Wigglesworth, G.  
> Can't See Straight - Lawson, J., McDaid, J. and Sheeran, E.
> 
> Some dialogue lifted and adapted from Love, Simon (2018) credited to Aptaker, I. and Berger, E.


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